May. 18th, 2017

adrienmundi: (Default)
I can remember being a teen (maybe even younger) and desperately wishing to be different in a recognizable and meaningful way. Some of this was no doubt the predictable youthful struggle for individuation, and some of it the fantasy of making my loneliness and alienation positive. The burden of closets only magnified this whole wish fulfillment.

Within the past dozen or so years, it's become clear to me that I am different in profound-to-me ways. I've been struggling, with vary degrees of success, to learn to live with that, and to maybe accept it as something that just *is*. It's very much a work in progress; I imagine it will be for as long as I'm alive. But while this is a big part of who I am, I find I'm much more interested in connecting than I am in defining difference. It seems for me that a big part of learning to connect requires an awareness of differences, though, because some of these differences carry great hidden distances; knowing where they are seems important.

My current perspective is that this is largely a personal struggle, and that the majority of the work will be on me, no matter whomever else is involved. My relation to my own interiority means perhaps I'm better equipped to map my own terrain and try to observe the outlines belonging to others. I struggle with feeling that this is another invisible-to-others distance/difference, which threatens to undermine the larger project.

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