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Very messed up dream (broken up by waking and slipping back into it repeatedly) about family, guilt, accusations of causing the death of someone's son (vehicular)under circumstances I don't remember, in a place I wasn't near, and being openly manipulated to accept responsibility by the (unknown to me) grieving father. There was also something about being set near a lake that was 30+ feet low, and being furious at the culture and cultural participants who led to that situation and refused to see causes (oh yeah, and going to a steak house with my family for some important "role model" dinner). Not a good night of sleep, despite getting about seven hours.
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Tuesday night, fading into sleep, there was a bar scene in my head. Suddenly one of the people turned towards me. His face would flicker to a round, white mask with only eye hole and black lines running up from the outer corners to the edge of the mask (for some reason, it made me think of an electrical outlet). There was a weird "chik-chik" noise, and it looked like he was putting something like a weird short blade under his chin while he spoke. "If you're going to do something, do it" he said, as the mask flickered in and out. I woke up suddenly, but that phrase, and the sense of some message from outside, has been with me since.


Jun. 21st, 2011 11:10 am
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Strange dream last night about being on a large wooded plot of land. Part of it was old growth forest, very green, with a suffused but dark light, greenish in tinge, coming from all around, not the sky. There was a roofed platform/gallery built between several large trees, complete with stairs, and a naturally terraced waterfront (ocean? large lake?) with a creek running through it along a cracked stone bed. On the edge of a property (adjacent to a fenced off government facility, maybe abandoned or underused) on the water there was a very large two story house (large rooms, peaked roof, high ceilings, but simple in construction).

Janiene and I were camping on an upper terrace at one point. I don't know if it was a part of a larger group/event, or if it had been before, but we loved the place, and had been coming back pretty regularly. I remember walking through the forest alone at one point, stepping out of one densely wooded section into an opening, either a wide meadow or a band between sections of forest, and feeling my attention drawn to the platform/gallery. There were a number of large, odd, whitish winged birds about, and I noted it and moved on, back towards the waterfront.

At some point, it became clear that we had bought the house, and maybe the property because we liked it so much. I remember passing where we used to camp on the way to the house and remembering it fondly. We went walking in the woods together and a lot more of the birds (ugly, large, ungainly) were around. Janiene casually picked up sticks and threw them at the birds with surprising force and accuracy; each throw was a hit no matter the distance, killing the birds and reducing them to a weird pile of feathers and almost cartoonish body parts. I remember being amazed at her abilities. At one point, she threw a stick at a bird on the rail of the platform/gallery. I glanced up and saw our cat Socrates (dead now for 4-5 years) sitting comfortably, if not happily, at the top of the stairs, and I thought, “That's going to be one happy cat, with all those dead birds” (he loved/hated birds).

We walked on back to the house, and were slowly winding down, talking like we've come to do at night before settling in, when I suddenly snapped to full, worried awareness, remembering that Socrates was outside alone in the woods. I ran around frantically (at speeds much faster than I can do, almost superspeed) looking for shoes. I remember running back towards the creek and stopping to put my shoes on at normal speed, then crossing and running again looking for him. I went back to the platform/gallery, but he was gone, and I felt deeply disappointed and sad.

At that point I woke up to Janiene sitting awake in bed next to me. I mumbled something about being worried that Socrates was outside in a dream, and rushing to find him, but not being able to. Janiene said, “It must have been a short visit, then”, and that seemed to make sense, at least that part of it. The rest of the dream was just weird.

more dreams

Apr. 7th, 2010 09:54 pm
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More weird, curiously specific dreams last night. The parts I remember centered around a local eclectic radio station (like AM 1690 here in Atlanta, only cooler). Apparently I called in enough to talk music and topics (they were strangely topical in areas that I knew something about, but not politics, music or conspiracy theory: something more esoteric, I think) that a couple of the djs knew me. They played an ad for a place called The Smokehouse, a place on the edge of Gwinnett where you could smoke pot with their gear (or smoke your own? I don't remember for sure, but was surprised because even in my dream I thought marijuana was illegal), and then I knew the two djs I knew were there with like a station manager, and they wanted me to come by.

When I showed up, the station manager turned out to be a small dark haired woman, and it became clear to me that one of the djs was trying to get me a job there because I "was cool and knows stuff" (that meant musical taste and the esoteric stuff, I think). Once it became clear to me that she was going to offer me something part time, the odd details started coming in. It would cost me to get my broadcast license (I used to have a nonprofit, but it expired), and that with some other fee would cost $216.00. Initially, at least, I'd be working a very short shift, but that was expected to be temporary. All of this conversation went down in The Smokehouse's parking lot. The dj guy was very excited, and I was confused at the speed of things, but pleased.


Apr. 6th, 2010 06:27 am
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Slept very strangely last night, with many shallow yet intensely specific dream fragments that kept trying to suggest a much richer, interconnected whole. There was something about secret subcultural traditions, a monster or monsters, connections to a given family or families, a strange language/dialect that kept trying to make itself clear, and some just off screen central figure, an older, maybe sinister, maybe helpful "Blagger Man". Freaky.
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Dream about navigating my insurance and doctor referral system for an injured back. I lost forms, and had to call in to get information, but could barely understand someone on the phone, and had to go over some information almost letter by letter to get it right. The sense of dread as I saw the fees add up was almost sickening.
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First one I recall had a weird feel, something like the north Birmingham of my youth (near my maternal grandmother's house) mixed with Stone Mountain. Something about me was ominously different; a curse, or something that made me nigh immortal, hard to kill, and something a touch removed or tragic. There was a gathering of people on a rocky outcrop, like a picnic or to watch something(?). Someone was talking about 'buy one, get one', an idea to which I'd been exposed and suggested to use as a conversational entry, so I was called over to talk to the slim German woman talking about it. As we were talking, I realized she (and a lot of others) were sitting under the cover of a low, large jutting cliff or balanced stone, and it made me very claustrophobic. I crawled out, just in time for it to collapse. With sudden urgency, I pounded on the rocky debris with the butt of my rifle(??), then began shooting the rocks to break them into smaller pieces only I could lift. The German woman eventually emerged, unhurt, and I realized she had become similarly nigh immortal and hard to kill, but by accident rather than whatever tragedy had befallen me.

Second dream I was in a large brick hotel/dorm complex. There was a large party in a public area, and at one point I'd wandered away looking for a restroom. I passed a very scantily clad dark skinned brunette woman, but she somehow avoided me in a way that suggested she was a part of another narrative. I found a restroom, but my eyes weren't working well, and I had trouble determining if it said 'men' or 'women' on the door. Based on number of characters, I thought it was the former and went in, but it was laid out like a women's restroom. I went back out, and somehow the door said 'ladies'. I managed to get out before anyone noticed.

I returned to the party and ended up near a strange, intense bunch of folks trying to work some phone/gambling system. The central figure was making insane, crazy predictions, they would make bets by phone or lottery, and then they'd win. It became clear by their conversation that they were all advanced math students, and the central figure was a complex systems theory genius who'd stumbled onto a pattern. As they got more and more caught up in the unbelievable predictions (some weird misfortune, weather, accident, etc. regarding sporting events), two of them peeled off and got romantic, and one pretty pale redhead with wide features ended up near me. We started talking, about math, and it became clear that the brunette in the hall may not have been in my narrative, but the redhead had just very much become so, and we very much hit it off. Math played a curious, strong part of the attraction.


Dec. 28th, 2009 06:23 am
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Strange, dark dream around the specifics of gender identity with surprise near-guest appearances by contentious people from my past and bitchy, mean arguments and comments differentiating whatever the fuck I am from effeminate homosexuality or curiously butch (and white haired, eyepatched: think Race Bannon into Jolly Roger, maybe) transsexuality.


Dec. 27th, 2009 11:58 am
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I was in a big but "normal" house with lots of people. It was a party, the strange sort of sprawling all house, all members party of booze and maybe pot where no one is terribly concerned with being cool, just... weird.

The house was on a small lake, and the sky was very clear, reflected in the water when you looked out the window. At some point the party started turning unsettling/weird. There was one guy who kept speaking more and more ominously, saying that everyone needed to remember that at 1:30 the sky went out, and that he wasn't joking. People laughed at first, then became increasingly, grimly uncomfortable as he kept saying it over time. At one point, he looked directly at me and said I, in particular, needed to remember this, and it had the weight of some message, some out of context lesson for me.

There was some other guy, an older, charismatic Frank Zappa-like person who was friendly and seemed to give me more than usual consideration, but without the weirdness of the oracle dude. At one point I was wandering the house (coming back from the bathroom?) and opened a closed door. The Zappa guy was in there with a collection of people that, if he'd been less gentle or more of an egotist, would have seemed like holding court. When I apologized for barging in, he said they were just sitting around talking about Important Things, but that I was welcome because I certainly qualified (as an Important Thing).

(I'm not doing justice to the feeling oracle dude and the Zappa guy increasingly gave me, that I was not only not of these people, this time and/or place, but that the whole thing was staged for my benefit, that maybe it was even something that already happened but was being replayed so I got the message. It was increasingly disturbing and unsettling.)

I was in the living room, where the big plate glass window looked out over the lake, when suddenly everything out there went dark. The sky was pitch black, no stars, no light at all, and what little I could see of the lake from light from the houses was black like thick, menacing ink. Everyone in the house started yelling or freaking out, and the sense of menace, of gigantic, universal doom, was so sharp that it woke me up with my heart pounding. It took me a few minutes to differentiate dream from waking. When I could bring myself to look outside, I couldn't see any stars, but with a mental wrenching of my mind, I remembered the sky was cloudy when we came home, and that I wouldn't know for sure until the sun came up (I remember telling my sleepy self that the sun was a star, so if it rose, things were OK, even though I still worried that I wouldn't feel at ease until I saw a starry night sky.)

What the hell was going on in my mind? I still don't get it, even though the immediacy of the unsettling feelings have receded.


Dec. 7th, 2009 07:29 am
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Very odd dream about being a relatively new member to an old (like, not quite current day technology, possibly quite a lot older) remote or island village on the coast, kind of a rocky shore, and of being taken in and learning how to live, where to find food the way the villagers did.

Then a strange traveling carnival/circus came through. There was something sinister about them, but also something to which I could relate, being sort of an outsider (but not) of the village, and more 'cultured' (wrong word/concept, but I can't reach better right now). The leader of the carnival seemed to like me, and I got greater access than most villagers (or maybe I was the only one who wanted it?)

As the time passed, certain members of the village joined the carnival. This seemed not uncommon to the villagers. As they were preparing to maybe head out, I noticed that they wouldn't come out into the sun, even the new members; they sat in a long wooden card (like a bus, but wooden) reading or sewing or doing other things, waiting for the sun to go down. Strangely, the sun didn't hit them inside, despite there being windows. I overheard the leader and a side kick talking about needing to gather more food, and being concerned and kind of surreptitious about it. I remember the leader saying he didn't want it to be a "comedy" as they left, and somehow I found out that a "comedy" meant killing everyone in the village as payment to some dark force, but that in some weird way if they gathered enough food, the dark thing wouldn't make demands on them. I wasn't supposed to hear/know this, but something about my in between-ness made it possible.

So, then I remember trying to take carnival individuals around, showing them the food they could forage that had just been shown to me (like free range greens that looked like weeds to the uninitiated), but I was having a hard time remembering them all. It felt as though I either couldn't tell the villagers what I knew, or that they wouldn't believe me, so it was on me to try to save both sides from violence and/or bloodshed. I called a village kid over for help, but then woke up.


Nov. 4th, 2009 06:21 am
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Dreamed about seeing Massive Attack with scottopic in a big open old house/anarchist collective. It was a second show, and the organizers were pleased to announce the noise ordinance had been lifted in negotiations with the police. The band loaded in their own gear, set up on the floor where there was no clear physical barrier between them and the crowd. They wore strange costumes from video games that made sense in the dream (I think 3D was Freeman from Half-Life?). There was the usual parade of folks stopping by and saying hi to S, but everyone was focused on the band. I woke up just as "Angel" got ready to break.

adrienmundi: (Default)
It's OK to feel what I feel, and to worry less about that, straight from the man himself (maybe).

I need to learn how to stand up for myself, when it's appropriate, and how forcefully. Also, that people can surprise me, and that I'm not always the only one who suffers on some issues.


Oct. 20th, 2009 06:31 am
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Dreamed about going the fuck off on a friend's sister/sister in law about unquestioned sex typing and categorization. It was weird; in the dream I was prepared to just walk away at first, but then something changed and confronted her. Things escalated slowly, but at each point where it felt like I was giving her an out, pausing for things to sink in, she'd just dig herself deeper and I kept going. Eventually it was so bad that I finished my piece and started walking, through strange semi-rural pasture and back roads to get back to where I knew; it started off in my mind as just a mile, but ended up being like five or more, but I kept walking. My friend was not at all amused; it seemed to trigger some personal/past/family trauma.

more dreams

Oct. 9th, 2009 06:25 am
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Something about a buddhist/hindu pilgrimage. It started watching this young bald guy tell the story of an old saint on a pilgrimage, referencing quests for sutras and miracles while on a pilgrimage himself. At some point, it became clear that the 97 year old master he kept referencing was him, even though he looked to be in his early 20s. There was something about black iron objects somehow connected with the use of sutras; maybe they were created as they were recited, or in some way connected with them? Some symbolism or magic I didn't, and don't understand.

It took a martial arts sort of turn. Suddenly I was in the dream, at some mystical holy site. Pilgrims would come and engage the shrine attempting to learn its secrets, but it was dangerous, and many died (one of them being my current stepfather's brother). I was sort of watching parts of the past and still being present. There was a staff, a brother and sister. The sister was young, very attractive (curvy, dark skin, long dark hair) and slipped in between being this mystical religious figure and a young hot girl; her brother was more like a shrine functionary, not religious or mystically inclined at all. She kept flirting with me when in young girl mode, and then showing me the dangers of seeking the knowledge of the site when in priest mode. Every time someone would die they seemed surprised, like that wasn't supposed to happen, and we'd turn to each other and say, "Didn't they check the source material?" meaning religious or martial arts texts, or even martial arts movies, showing the danger. At some point, she passed me a half full bottle of whisky some pilgrim had left as an offering and we shared swigs.

Then there was something about two girls (blonde and brunette) traveling in the dark. The blonde was a werewolf, and not taking it well (maybe it was new?). She was being carried on the back of the brunette, who was a seasoned, nontypical vampire. A lot of times when they'd walk under a shadow, the blonde would lean back and sometimes come back up as a werewolf, not fully in control, and the brunette would pull up some sort of vampire aspect resignedly, though I'm not sure if she was expecting a fight (instinctual, largely unconscious) from the blonde, or just needed to be able to take care of this crazed, super strong friend. Some how they ended up in a very affluent neighborhood, and there was some subtext that rich folks related to the blonde were somehow involved, maybe putting things into motion? I became an actor in the dream at some point, maybe bringing the sense of back story. Somehow, the tension seemed to pass, and the blonde was dealing better. We were leaving, she and I, to go ...somewhere, and she looked over to the wooded side and kind of checked out. I remember asking if she needed to go run or get something to eat, meaning in werewolf mode, and that it was OK, she should go ahead, because I knew I'd only slow her down.

Um, brain, seriously, what was that all about?


Oct. 8th, 2009 07:15 am
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There was a giant monster from space, much bigger but similar in shape to Godzilla, who was systematically circling the earth destroying everything in its path. I was on a government-esque science team (?) trying to find something with which to fight it. We ended up completing one set of solar powered armor as it closed in on the city, and were still trying to figure out how it worked. I thought maybe it let one grow to gigantic size, but didn't know how. As we flew away on a plane, giant monster tracked on the plane and took to the sky to catch us.

Then I was on a college campus that might have featured from other dreams. I was part of a team that drove a delivery truck into building and down halls (?). We pulled out to one courtyard only to see queued dump trucks full of something, some construction project. For some reason, we couldn't get past them, but I raised the driver's seat like six feet, out of the cab, and could see to drive, but was worried about driving through the halls.

Still on a campus, maybe the same one, as a student (sort of). There was a visiting trio of performers that played regularly, at one point three girls who sang and danced, at another point three guys who played balalaika and Romani/Russian folk music. Two of the guys switched instruments on a bet, and were struggling to make them work before the show, but only one really pulled it off. I was in the audience, having walked from my dorm with a small, orange and white, quite illegal kitten and a backpack of books. Once the band started playing, then broke up into three separate groups where people just talked to them. The orange striped kitten stretched out beside me and started attacking the skirt (and maybe thigh) of a red haired girl sitting next to me, so I grabbed him by the back of the neck and took him out, much like I imagine an embarrassed mother does with misbehaving children. I took him to a bench outside of an office in which someone was working, and set him down while I made sense of my books and repacked my bag. He was apologetic, stayed close, but when I picked him up to hide under my jacket to take him back to my dorm, he said, "Aw,mama..." and I had to explain why it was necessary.


Sep. 28th, 2009 07:15 am
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I dreamed I had four arms, two sets of two. In my dream, they were kind of golden-tan(?) and capable. I remember thinking how cool it was that I could control them all independently, do four different things at a time. Nobody was freaked out, just surprised and maybe a little envious.

Before that, I dreamed of Boris. He was lean, healthy, and looked at me with those big, smart eyes for a long moment before he started purring.
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Strange dreams about being one of several everyday folks waking into something like superpowers, a large cast full of interlocking stories, and somehow shifting into one of several gods/avatars of gods. There was Christian religious stuff, watching a little girl read a section of the old testament when asked by a sincere, charismatic young hip preacher type and that turning into a time travel bit where I played the part of Yaweh back when he was just one of several gods in whose company I was traveling. We were all watching a parable unfold while present similar to the one the little girl read; some "heroes" from another king/god/religion were going to kill this girl, the princess of a recalcitrant ruler. They found her, and I (in Yaweh mode) warned them against harming her, or suffering death and an eternity of pain. One of the "heroes" said, "Oh, we don't care; we can't be harmed or die" and the implication was that they were under the protection of some other god. By way of example, he cut his hand with a pair of scissors (?), and there was no blood. I asked if I could touch him once, gently, and he agreed, amused. I touched him on the forehead, then asked him to show me the scissor trick again. This time, he bled, and I asked if he believed me now. "No, " he said, and I remember saying, "Then I am done with you, for yo are an idiot" and asked the others, who were shaken. Then I just woke up.

EDITED TO ADD: There were three other gods with me (I think). At one point, making a sort of godly aside, I balled up my fists and said, "Smite! Smite! Smite!". A Sumerian looking god with me laughed, and I shrugged, saying, "It's what I do at this point" (meaning old testament times, and Yaweh being one smite-loving diety). Again with the WTF?

Seriously, brain, what the fuck?
adrienmundi: (Default)
Strange dreams that ended in a highschool in a very conflicted area, between poor whites and poor blacks, both being pushed out by creeping gentrification. The action centered on one young, atypical teacher (art? social science? music?) and the older principal. The tension in the halls was so thick, I (temporarily in the part of the teacher) thought, "It's just like Kung Fu High, only without the martial arts". The teacher and principal were walking out with some students when two others ran out, one holding an olive branch, the other some different kind of tree limb, proclaiming that peace had been agreed upon (by the leaders of either group). Everyone was relieved, but it was dashed when later that night one of the band kids got murdered on the school steps. The teacher was distraught, and torn between thinking the poor white gang did it because the student wasn't white, or maybe the poor black gang did it as a pretext to restart hostilities.

Then it was like a tour of the creeping gentrification: shots of big, old houses remodeled, behind which were built secondary, tall, ugly apartments on the same lot, like someone stretched out a carriage house and made it six to eight stories tall. I remember thinking that maybe that would stop the violence, even while being appalled at the commodification, displacement and soullessness of it all.

I'll be happy when fairyhead gets back; my dreams make more sense to me when she's around.


Aug. 24th, 2009 06:18 am
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Strange dreams about being one of thirteen(?) special people in a pod, sort of Dollhouse flavored, sort of Pretender-esque: all widely competent and on the run from... something? Someone? It felt episodic; we'd be in one city, spread out and try to find a way to blend in, but still coming back to see one another, to sleep like a pack/pod/pride. There was ongoing tension with those who tried to create or find connections with others, because we'd often have to pack up and run on almost no notice; jobs, people, friends would have to be left very suddenly. One guy (who looked like Hodges from Bones) got married, or was getting married, and there was the anticipation of children, and his beloved decided to try running with us to see if she could take it; the contrast of that contact seemed to sober the rest of us.

There was also this doctor/administrator/ex-authority figure/parent stand in that ran with us. He had some connection to "before" and tried to manage relations with the outside world and us; despite surprising depths of competence, everyday things often eluded or confounded us collectively. There was a lot of humor and genuine affection in the midst of the very forced tribal, on the run feeling, and also something about Russian mobsters setting up a light show in a bar, a luxury hotel, investigating something in the administrative side of a hospital, exotic specialized cars, William Peterson dying, and trying to find sleeping arrangements for thirteen (at one point even trying upside down off a jungle gym at a playground).

Wtf, brain?
adrienmundi: (Default)
Woke up this morning wanting an unspecified more: more than I've got, more than I've been told I can have, but no more than anyone should have access to, either.

Dreamed about moving to strange new places, watching people involved maybe deceive or think about breaking up, and then slowly transform into something like superheroes. There was a running stream of information, letting me know "it" was spreading, locally and globally, and that individuated "perfection" (improvement?) was taking hold. People seemed prettier, happier, stronger, and better.

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