adrienmundi: (Default)
I'm getting hung up on money again, specifically that things it looks/feels like might help me feel more me cost money. I'm intentionally trying to trim, to scale back. I'm very uncomfortable with being cast as a consumer, having my citizenship or socio/civic identity be defined even in large part by what I buy or how I spend. I want my impact on the world to be less than it is, knowing it's already too large, unsustainably large if everyone lived like me. It's not guilt I feel, but a deep aching awareness of the sheer injustice. In the face of that, how can I justify superficialities, particularly expensive ones (that, yes, are socially proscribed yet still revered (by some) and widely available; while feminism may not be my home any longer, my feminist analysis is still fucking mighty)?

I feel like a broken record, but these are the kinds of thoughts that both keep me awake at nights and keep me frozen in a regressive stasis.
adrienmundi: (Default)
I'm seriously beginning to wonder (again) if there is any room for me under the feminist umbrella, or at least under the big umbrella that shelters other people, too. The language employed by most covered makes it pretty clear the concepts in play are "man" and "woman", concepts I agree are useful descriptors, particularly when discussing one of the more ubiquitous and uncommented inequities of socioeconomic life, but... they aren't the only concepts in play, at least for me.

Again in some of the more liberal and "inclusive" feminist circles, trans issues are coming forward. This time around, the tone is a bit better; the angry folks who refuse to see their own gendered behaviour and benefits, but unceasingly criticise some trans people (curiously, almost always trans women) have left for more bitter pastures, leaving the cis* people to talk about the validity of trans men and women's identities (in between asking the most basic of questions that any idiot with google could answer themselves in 30 seconds). But, except for the very occasional Feinbergian** aside of "and others", it's almost always just "men" and "women". Yeah, not a lot of room for me there, and very easy to get the impression that it's not only not inclusive of me, it's not meant to be.

It's not like I'm suddenly freed from the internal obligation to seek out inequity and injustice and work to change it, though, and sexism is a big part of that. I'll always work for feminist issues, for greater equality for as many as I'm aware of, but this morning I have a sneaking suspicion I'll be working at some distance from others, with occasional but not close contact, because it just doesn't feel like home, or even a friend's place, to me.



*"on the same side as": look it up if you're still unsure
**Leslie Feinberg: a rant for another time, possibly

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adrienmundi

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