Self-destructive epiphany #X

[adrienmundi]

Anger keeps the tears at bay so they don't overwhelm me.

I'm thinking this isn't necessarily healthy.

Comments

[scottopic.livejournal.com]

Really, sincerely, and without the slightest hints of I-know-betters: why not let the tears come?
(yes, I read "overwhelm" -- but don't know what that'd mean...?)
maybe you need to let yourself go...?
really.
Seeking release for the much happier you matters much to me, just so you know.

[adrienmundi]

I hate everything about crying in me; the sound, the grossness, the loss of control. (The sound, more than anything else, is what I hate most, I think.) Plus, there is that fear that, since there is so much sad in the world, if I start, will I be able to stop?

And thanks.

[scottopic.livejournal.com]

I understand all of that. My god, with just one of those angles, I'm a frickin' snot factory with workers on crank. I convulse, lose my breath and my face burns, and that all reinforces it even further. My parents used to say I'd have silent tantrums, never yelling, just lying face down on the floor, pounding it with fists and feet. I don't do it on the floor nowadays.

But you have to let go sometimes. The crying will stop -- it's not meant to solve the problems of the world, just be your expression as a human of pain - there's nothing wrong with crying. There's stuff in the world to cry about, and one's mind tends to decide when it's had enough crying, and resolve itself towards doing what it can for the world and its problems (even if that means just for yourself).

I really recommend setting aside the time, an entire day and night if need be, and let yourself do it. It sometimes help with a special someone to just hold you -- which I think would be good for you specifically. I often think crying makes a sort of emotional bookmark, and the release sometimes precedes a time of moving forward.

In spite of miscommunications, etc., I'd offer, but I'm way the hell up here. But I think you have the best candidate with you now.

[thegoodwill.livejournal.com]

My own epiphany, from years ago, which also reminds me of you sometimes:

Alone with my thoughts is the most dangerous place to be.

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Catharsis... I can recommend an album...

[adrienmundi]

I often think, with no small amount of amused humor, that I might be dangerous to others if I wasn't so dangerous to myself.

And yeah, music is the only consistent thing that gets catharsis going for me.

[vianne.livejournal.com]

Uh, I -so- know this feeling.

Whether its anger about oneself, another person, a situation or something else... it just puts that thing into your throat that locks down every tear that might come up.

Eventually this will start hurting, and that is when you should let it out - scream, cry, talk about it, knock something down... Talk to a stranger, who has nothing to do with it - might that help??

Otherwise, yes - its unhealthy...!!!

*hugs*

[thewonderfuller.livejournal.com]

i remember vividly being curled up on the couch in the living room of an apartment right outside the french quarter, crying and convulsing for an entire night. jim and i had gone to new orleans for a "family vacation" with maggie, and it was just more than i could bear. i couldn't lay there in bed beside someone who i loathed and feared. i hated myself for being such a horrendous judge of character and having initiated a marriage that was doomed to fail. i despised myself for being a terrible mother and not just "getting over it" and making sure my 18 month old daughter had a "normal family."

i cried more that night than i have probably ever cried in my whole life. i tried to rationalize staying, rationalize leaving, rationalize kiling myself or killing him, and probably a million other things. and when it was done, i was clean. i knew what i had to do. it took me a few more months to get up the courage to do it, but i did eventually tell him that i wanted him out and i wanted a divorce (thanks, in no small part, to the support of friends like you).

the tears of true agony cannot be contained. you can try, but eventually they will simply overflow. let yourself cry.