small things

Saturday I did not change out of my comfy, slightly padded bra (to my standard slightly minimizing sports bra) when friends were coming over to check on me. Not a subject of commentary or conversation.

Sunday I went to the same friends' house for dinner, saw another friend, wearing the comfy (not sports) bra and standard clothes. Again no commentary or conversation.

Today, anxious about taking a walk without some degree of minimization rather than accentuation, because strangers on the street are less inclined to be kind to me than my friends.

Record keeping

Friday, 1 October, just after 4:30 AM my beloved, Janiene, breathed her last. She was at home and I was holding her hand through it all.

Grief is episodic, not persistent. As a relative pointed out (with uncharacteristic insight), it could be that I mourned parts of Janiene over time, as she got sicker and her world smaller. I still weep, but when the grief pierces me it's a minute or three, and then I'm back to... whatever my current base state is.