adrienmundi | (no subject)

I think most of my adult life has been focused on trying to identify the various things connected to or implanted within me, and then eliminating the unnecessary or unwelcome. Several definitions failed to make the cut: self as relational status; piece by piece, all mainstream labels of sexual identity; the man, and then woman label; as many layers of privilege as I can find and divest; religious/spiritual, (sub)cultural, political and national/regional identities. Some removal was easy, some more like chiseling away mineral deposits, and I'm starting to worry that much of it was/is like cutting at flesh with a sharp knife. I've often said that I don't believe in an essential self, and I still don't, but if all I have are low orbit personae, what will remain if I keep removing things external? Even if I do find something irredicible, will I have lost too much to be able to connect easily, if at all, to anyone else? From my current perspective, it seems like most, if not all, interpersonal avenues require bounding and defining by things I either have cut, or am in the process of removing. It still seems useful, if not necessary, but is it something that can't be recovered from?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Think of identity as a flame. It grows by consuming new ideas, labels, and ideals. Some of these things burn longer than others. Some are just fads and go up in a puff of smoke. Some stay long enough to make a difference. And some are hardy, and burn with us for the rest of our lives. Even though they all become vapour in the end, every one of them leaves its mark on us - a mark of soot and ash, of things gone but still remembered.

OK, but to run with that metaphor (rather than my paring), what if everything is consumed, leaving no source of fuel for the flame?

I don't know. Perhaps even then there'll be embers from which to restore the flame.

My first though, and I'm sure not all of it was inspired by my fire-bug-ness ... "That's ok, I've always got a big ol' gas can with me!"

While you may burn through sources, that doesn't mean that there won't always be new sources of fire, getting thrown onto the flames along the way. I think there will be fuel sources popping up that you can't even think of, right. (Aw, crap, who knew *that* was flammable?!?)

I'm not sure I have your faith. I'm not sure I don't, but I'm not sure I do, either.