I have little to no satisfaction in my life. I'm so removed from my own desires and pleasures that I honestly don't know what I want, and can't reliably use that as a signpost for further investigation. I spend so much time preemptively trying to give others what they expect that I've lost myself long ago. With so much internal distance, it's not surprising that my relationships are often so unsatisfying to me.
I want things to change. I want to engage with life, with others, with myself more honestly, more directly, but I'm seriously afraid that the pain of doing so may well be too much for me to bear, and that I'll have to continuously bear it for the rest of my life. I'm very scared of that. I can't give up, but I'm already almost lonelier than I think I can bear. I don't know what to do any more.
no subject
I want things to change. I want to engage with life, with others, with myself more honestly, more directly, but I'm seriously afraid that the pain of doing so may well be too much for me to bear, and that I'll have to continuously bear it for the rest of my life. I'm very scared of that. I can't give up, but I'm already almost lonelier than I think I can bear. I don't know what to do any more.
I'm in a similar place. Sorry...:(