Sometimes I look at animals in "the wild" and I'm impressed by their lack of confusion, their un-selfconsciousness. Sure, they can still starve or be hit by a car, but they're not so distracted by their mental models of these calamities that they always go there.

This suggests something to me: if animals and plants evolved for this place in a natural way, what about humans? Specifically, what about *this* human?

From there, it's almost like a geometric proof. Assume that there is a hypothetical state-space in which I get to simply be, like a lilly in the valley. The difference between that world, and the one I find myself in, is not of my making. But I can give up a lot of guilt and confusion, blame and shame, if I assume the problem has got to have a solution. It may be a theorum that takes longer than my lifetime to spell out, but it *has* to be solvable, otherwise, there was never any point to life in the first place. (That nihlist assumption can't be disproven, but it's not a very interesting one, so assume it's wrong as a first principle.)

Even if I never get to see the final equation, others can still benefit after me, and there's really nothing more important to be doing. This defines the direction of my life, for as long as I can remember.