*my* mirror reflects what it projects

[adrienmundi]

My sweetie went to a party without me this past weekend (while I was away at an art show and later observing the interchangeability of goths), and because we are still googley about one another, spent some time talking about me to the crowd of new people. One of the first things she told me about it the next day was, "Person x was very envious that I was in a longterm relationship with a girl." This filled me with a sinking feeling of dread, because I'd met person x in passing once some time back. "That's only until she remembers who I am" I said, "Then she'll be all, 'oh, that guy?'"

I am so certain that everyone sees me as a guy, and that once they do, that's all they see, that it colors everything else about me. I'm so certain of this that I can only see in myself what I'm sure others' eyes are seeing, even when they're not present; I have nothing internal with which to resist this.

Comments

[adrienmundi]

No, I say I am certain it colors everything about me, and it's a perceptual certainty, not a factual one; I'm sure of it because I perceive it to be so, not because I know it to be so. It may seem like a small difference, but it seems like an important one.

Nice way of working 'aesthetic' into a point ;)

But, I think gender is invisible to most because they exist so fixedly situated within it that, to them, it's invisible, in a way I imagine fish aren't really aware of water the way we are.

[aesthetic.livejournal.com]

First off? Yes... When I first wrote it, I even instinctively wrote aesthetic instead of just the word. I changed it before finally making the comment... lol

SECONDLY...
I do see your point -- I guess I just wish I had a better answer, as well as wishing it didn't seem to agonize you so much... For whatever it's worth, I've always been quite fond of the water? heh

[adrienmundi]

I guess I just wish I had a better answer, as well as wishing it didn't seem to agonize you so much... For whatever it's worth, I've always been quite fond of the water?

Thank you. That actually helped lighten things a bit.