adrienmundi | frustrated, with a side of theory

I'm pretty pro porn/erotica/prurient media/what have you. To me, it's about both pleasure and free expression. So long as those involved in the creation are adult and consensual (as much as anyone can be), I'm all for it, even if it's not to my taste.

But, my support and enthusiasm is largely theoretical. I've got issues; I don't think I make any secret about that. But, ironically, as I work through them, as I make progress towards what feels healthier for me, porn gets more and more unsatisfying. Part of it used to be, I think, the thrill of transgression, and a fair amount of that was powered by sublimated shame. So, less shame on my part is good, right? Right, except... even as an imperfect fuel, and one of which I was often painfully aware, it could get the fire started. Now, there's too much self awareness, and not enough shame, for that route to work.

I think it might be a problem with the way I participate with media. For me, it's all about the entryway of character. For media to really *click* for me, I have to be able to project myself through the lens of one character, even if fleetingly, to experience the scene/moment as "real". This extends way beyond the prurient, and is one of the reasons I love some writers as I do (Gibson, when he's good, for a fetishization of detail that's everyday sensual and not unknown to me; Yashimoto for emotional resonance and palpable optimism; Carroll for a voice that seems comfortably close and familiar).

But this is problematic when it comes to the prurient in specific. As my identity changed, and I changed my body to be more in line with it, I have a hell of a hard time finding a lens through which to focus myself. Mainstream hetporn is teh suck, big time; in the rare instance that they actually have attractive people (disproportionally girly; and there aren't any lean, lithe outies much), the forced personae make them decidedly unattractive. Watching checked out fuckbots recreating sexist stereotypes just does nothing for me on the naughty front, except make me nauseated, and that is so not my kink. But, in the off chance that there are my flavors of pretty getting busy on screen, page, or print, I run into the brick wall of identification; which of the options arrayed before me will fit? If I focus one way, it makes sense to think it might be the "guy", but... no, that doesn't work, at all. So, the girl? Um, no... it seems all focused on parts (well, OK, part) I don't have, and so that's out, too. I could try a psychological fit, but again with the sexism and stereotyping, so, nope.

If I try to find porn/erotica with bodies sort of like mine, whoa... lets just say if stereotypes in hetporn makes me uncomfortable, the intersectin that creates "shemales" gives rise to embarassingly patriarchal caricatures. Unless I'm willing to give up every tiny bit of self respect for a short minute of a reaction (and I'm not), there's nothing for me there.

I've tried the -only material (girls only, boys only) but I guess I'm just not a very good voyeur. Even putting aside the problems with stereotyping (both bodies and personae), I have a hard time watching pretty people doing fun things to one another without trying to imagine myself in the mix. Plus, musclebound gym bunnies and half starved siliconebunnies aren't all that compelling one at a time, so what makes people think more of them is better?

I can't help thinking I've taken a wrong turn somewhere in social constructivism, but I'm not sure that's just it. I do think many/most (almost all?) base, either actively or historically, a large part of their sexuality on roles, models and filters culturally available to them, but this is not a perception supported by wide anthropological sampling, just my own imperfect observations. As I've touched on in other posts, if I'm not an "X who does/likes Y", how can I get to Y without being some sort of X?

I just want some good porn, damn it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I just want some good porn, damn it.

Make your own.

Then find someone else who likes it, and get them to make their own. Then trade.

Two Big Meanies (http://www.twobigmeanies.com) is pretty good if you're looking for a more non-stereotypical, honest sort of porn.

I know some of the people who're involved in it, and as far as I know it's just something they do in their spare time because they enjoy it; that seems like a good starting point for producing more approachable porn like you're looking for.

BDSM stuff kind of freaks me out, on a personal level; it has something to do with power, but I can't quite figure out the what and why, exactly. I suspect it's, at least in part, im(l)e, power through the lens of gender (that "men" and "women" focus/receive power differently). I'm confident that I generally don't assume that sex=gender=manifestation, but I feel like I can't trust that others do (I'm aware that makes an almost seamless double bind, alas). Does that sound even remotely cogent?

Read any film theory?

Is this a trick question? ;)

Some, but it's been a while.

For some reason, it said I was anonymous, but that was me, above.

_I just want some good porn, damn it._

....you and me both...

I agree with most of what you said. I dislike most straight porn because the guys are so fucking (no pun intended) ugly and the women are so *enhanced* as to be little more than cartoonish carictures.

As to alterna-porn, BDSM seems so ... fetishistic (?) that it turns me off. It seems to be trivilizing sex for bizarre behavior. While I find the garb of BDSM incredibly attractive and becoming, I find the actions silly at best and indicitive of severe personal issues at worst. ...can't get excited there...

I can't get turned on at all by lesbian porn. I know that seems weird, since every other non-gay male seems to love lesbo-porn. But I guess it relates to something you said above, about wanting to place yourself into the scene to achieve a sense of realness... and I can't do that if all the actors are women.

I'm sure I've shared this with you, but my biggest turn on is bivarist porn. I love mmf threesome porn. But that is such a double-edged sword that I won't buy that type of porn anymore because it seemed that my success rate was about 20%. Either the videos had the problems listed above - silicone women and ugly men...

...or the males are so damn homophobic as to make the scenes seem joyless, so scripted as to border on the surreal. For example, I've seen porn of that flavor where the guys seem to want to pretend that there isn't another guy in the bed with them. I kid you not, but I've seen guys hold their testicles and contort their legs in ways to ensure that they don't touch the other guy. If they are they afraid of male-male contact, why are they in this type of film?

...or the males act in deplorably-sexist, near abusive manners. I think mmf porn should focus on near worship of the female, while a great deal of the people who film this type of porn are fratboys with homo-issues, and they want to degrade women...ughh. Choking, gagging, pinching noses, slapping breasts. That doesn't turn me on. That makes me nauseated. I hit eject or delete, whichever is apropos, and curse the wasted time and dollars.

Take Audrey Hollander for example. I don't think there's a better looking porn star- Gorgeous long curly red hair, beautiful green eyes, pale white skin and deliciously curvey in the right places while thankfully (for the nonce at least) silicone free. But she seems to star in nothing but films that degrade women. ...double ughhh.

Bi-Porn is often more frustrating than het-porn. Either the males are so over-developed and muscle bound as to be a total turn off or they almost ignore the woman for gay sex. She's little more than window dressing for a gay anal-sex scene. I keep getting the image that those are movies for people really deep in the closest. Can't someone make a *real* bi movie that shows three real, but sexy people engaged in real kinky bi-sex that involves all actors?

oh well... I guess that's why porn is such a stereotype. And perhaps that accounts for most of the repeat sales in porn. No one is satisified so they keep trying to find that *one* movie that will do it for them.

It strikes me that in the Modern Internet Age there must be someone someplace that has similar tastes and attitudes and is doing all the hard work of watching all the porn out there to find the 20% that actually is likely to ring your bells.

I mean, for Pete's sake, there are sites that review ping pong balls. There must be someone who's reviewing porn with two men, a woman, a transgendered dwarf, and a waffle iron in order to find the best MMFTDWI porn and share the discovery with others.

I certainly acknowledge that it's bad for all consumers of erotica; I hope I didn't give an impression otherwise. As I said in a discussion with a friend recently, I think that unless someone is solidly, unquestioningly in the middle of the mainstream, or strongly in a subcultural current, no one is satisfied very often with erotica/porn.

For me, it just feels like there's an extra burden. It's like you feel about lesbian porn; I feel that way about all porn. Damn it.

frustrated, with a side of theory

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

preacher choir

Re: preacher choir

Re: preacher choir