ms. communication

In recent days I wonder about my ability to communicate effectively, if even at all. I have often been accused (and accuse myself, as well) of: assuming the implicit is explicit; of giving insufficient markers to determine tone and meaning; not targeting my writing/speech to the target (the irony of that amuses me a great deal); assuming that those whom I think of kindly share my background, interests, values, and/or meanings. All of this is no doubt true to some extent, but the petulant child in me wants to know why others don't seem to have the same communication problems I seem to have.

In a recent conversation with He Who Is Paid For Insight, it came to light that the Golden Rule is a fundamental principle in my dealings with others, but (of course), with something like a twist. I think most people who implement is do so proscriptively; don't do things to others that you wouldn't want done to you. I think it's set in my head differently; I treat people the way I would like to be treated. Specifically, this causes misunderstandings when one presents opinions, etc.; to me, when I do this, I am seeking dialogue, dialectic, a real working conversation. I don't want someone to just listen to me, nod, and go on about there business; I want to be engaged, and engage in return. Similarly, when one offers me a personal criticism (quite distinct from an insult disguised as criticism), I feel it's my responsibility both to myself and the other (small 'o' this time) to reflect upon that. I am being reminded more and more lately that this is not at all common, and that when I try to offer others the respect and consideration I would like myself, I am invariably considered rude, aggressive, etc.