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May. 1st, 2002 09:16 pmI feel generally "off" today. It has the impression of a general dissatisfaction, compounded with a feeling of not unwellness, per se, but of a lack of rightness. To a certain extent, the job is displeasing; on the first hand, dealing with the public on a regular basis probably isn't the best career choice for someone who is basically a shy introvert. Too, I don't think "sales" is even remotely rewarding (I think back to the one stupid seminar in which the Eastern VP of Sales held up "Glengary Glenn Ross" as a great movie about selling: idiot). Money just isn't a primary motivator for me, at least not to the point that I'll act shallow and/or unethical to get it.
Another aspect is a gnawing sense of "not living up to my potential" (while I've never had a guidance counselor tell me that, it still has a feel of ... history? accuracy?) I've begun to read challenging things again, and while it's quite a load of fun, it makes me wonder what I've been using my brain for all this time. What's the point of some (debatable) degree of intellect if it's not put to use?
There is also an interpersonal uncertainty, and I don't tend to do well with that (which is ironic, since the philosophies and stances I like are highly contingent and ambiguous). I am reminded of comments champignon made some time back about the myth of scarcity. While I think I apply that differently than she, in that certain context, that idea is very much with me. I am historically unused to feeling close to more than one person at a time, almost always an SO. I don't have context (that dreaded word) or even the skills with which to navigate these waters, and I'm terrified of screwing it up royally.
Yeah, that's about it.
Another aspect is a gnawing sense of "not living up to my potential" (while I've never had a guidance counselor tell me that, it still has a feel of ... history? accuracy?) I've begun to read challenging things again, and while it's quite a load of fun, it makes me wonder what I've been using my brain for all this time. What's the point of some (debatable) degree of intellect if it's not put to use?
There is also an interpersonal uncertainty, and I don't tend to do well with that (which is ironic, since the philosophies and stances I like are highly contingent and ambiguous). I am reminded of comments champignon made some time back about the myth of scarcity. While I think I apply that differently than she, in that certain context, that idea is very much with me. I am historically unused to feeling close to more than one person at a time, almost always an SO. I don't have context (that dreaded word) or even the skills with which to navigate these waters, and I'm terrified of screwing it up royally.
Yeah, that's about it.
