(no subject)

I had an intimidating epiphany this weekend; it's almost scary to put down in words, but at the same time it feels absolutely necessary, like in some way finalizing the crystalization process. In short, I feel like maybe it's time for me to stop trying to digest and implement the theories of others, trying to shape my experience to fit into perceptive and accurate but not-quite-right niches, and instead build a theoretical construct of my own, to serve my own purposes.

This is a very daunting thing to consider undertaking, but really, what other use could all those years of theorizing, analyzing, and cogitating be used for? And yet, I've no real idea of where to begin. Perhaps a recreation of history: begin with positivism based on perception/phenomena, and build from there (though hopefully I can avoid Cartesian circularity; I even had dreams about explaining that to someone last night). More than likely this will take the route of listing out accepted premises, and then examining them for accuracy and utility; that seems like a much more me way to begin, yet hopefully without getting lost in the semiotic web of a-b-c...ad infinitum, with no useful points being found.

I ramble without enough caffiene, but it seemed like something I had to get down as soon as possible. Maybe this is the abyss the giantslayer talks about, though for some reason I imagined it differently. More specifically, maybe this is my abyss.