(no subject)

Desire has got to be the weirdest, scariest thing in the world to me. I'm amazed that other people can seemingly navigate this with apparent ease, maybe even instinctually (it's too frightening to think that others actually do it with confidence). Maybe it's because others are comfortable in their roles; I want to think that's it, but it seems far too convenient an answer. I tend to jump to the conclusion that other people are just better at this than I, and that's a very big, bitter pill to swallow.

It's likely a confidence issue for me; I'm not confident in myself, in my status, role, etc., and yet there's no script, no pattern for anyone to follow. Is desire, or implementation of it, contingent on being/feeling desired? If it's so for me, then it's also probably so for others, maybe even everybody, so why do I feel stuck, when others don't seem to be?

It's just so damned frustrating; the root is there, but it's as if everything is below the surface. (OK, lame metaphor; can't do much better at the moment)

(no subject)

I don't have all that many friends, though luckily the number seems to be growing. Those that I do have, I would do damned near anything for. I am *extremely* protective of those near and dear to me, with great emphasis on the extremity of that protectiveness. This should probably serve as something like a public service anouncement. Odds are that if you think this in any way pertains to you, it likely does.