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(foolish) worry
Nov. 30th, 2002 09:05 amSometimes, I worry about things that really I have little or no reason about which to worry. Today's example is the worry about alcohol and its social effects, specifically on me.
I tend to be reticent, even amongst close friends. The lock on the reservoir of words is solid; they only come out in measured, calculated streams, usually. I also feel somewhat "on guard", as though I should not impose too much of myself onto others (I have been assured this is foolish so much that I have little choice but to agree, but i still do it).
Then, add several glasses of solvent, and I speak much more openly, freely, even animatedly. I find myself relaxing, and enjoying my interactions with others. Sincerity tends to inform most of my words/actions, as it is no longer held back with the rest.
So the worry is that I seem to need chemical help to get to that place. I worry also that there is a history of chemical problems in my extended family. Again, I have been assured that this is foolish, and it likely is, but it's still a source of worry, sometimes.
I tend to be reticent, even amongst close friends. The lock on the reservoir of words is solid; they only come out in measured, calculated streams, usually. I also feel somewhat "on guard", as though I should not impose too much of myself onto others (I have been assured this is foolish so much that I have little choice but to agree, but i still do it).
Then, add several glasses of solvent, and I speak much more openly, freely, even animatedly. I find myself relaxing, and enjoying my interactions with others. Sincerity tends to inform most of my words/actions, as it is no longer held back with the rest.
So the worry is that I seem to need chemical help to get to that place. I worry also that there is a history of chemical problems in my extended family. Again, I have been assured that this is foolish, and it likely is, but it's still a source of worry, sometimes.
