(no subject)

Driving in to work today, I was listening to Between the Lines on WREK, specifically to a Bangaladeshi woman who spoke out against religious law and misogyny in her country, such that she was banned on promise of death. I remember her saying something to the effect of her actions not being courageous, but rather that it was just something that had to be done, and she would have wanted someone else to do it if trashe wasn't able. This was so incredibly impressive to me, and yet at the same time, it made me feel incredibly cowardly on a personal level.

Of course, it feeds my solipsism. Just last night I was attemptig to explain to the most beloved just how terribly afraid I felt, and just how often. I think this idea others sometimes seem to have of me as being brave is just a misperception; if I were braver, I'd be doing more, I'd be more open, I'd have more in the way of results, I'd be more willing to trust people, or even to take them at their word. Instead, I hide, I procrastinate, I plot, plan, and scheme, but do little to nothing.

Santa, I've been good this year; can I have some courage, please?