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Body issues galore
Feb. 27th, 2003 12:21 am(In which I get kinda personal, kinda specific but not explicit, and expose a mass of neuroses to the world)
I am neurotic as hell about my body; that's probably a surprise to no one. It could be as simple as finally feeling invested enough in it that things that used to be only theoretical are now somewhat actual. Or maybe it's that I'm more vain and/or superficial than I ever thought I was, at least in regards to myself (yeah, I see that the latter sentence could easily fit into the former, if cast slightly differently; so what?) It could be that there really is no necessary connection between who I am, and how I look/choose to look (as a very wise fairy has suggested), but I worry, a lot, that if X looks like X, and is usually connected to Y, then anything X is necessarily Y (this makes sense in my head, which should tell me something).
External markers bother me; numbers, so I have been told, do not lie. And yet, if they don't, how to explain my perception of some fifteen months of "progress" in the face of this "truth"? (trans: according to the inchworm, I'm in the negatives when it comes to cup size; I'm unsure even how such a thing is possible) I have to admit that I'm pretty well satisfied with my legs, and my butt I guess. There, at least, the inchworm and perception are more in line.
I've got to stop this for now; hopefully, I can pick it up again later.
I am neurotic as hell about my body; that's probably a surprise to no one. It could be as simple as finally feeling invested enough in it that things that used to be only theoretical are now somewhat actual. Or maybe it's that I'm more vain and/or superficial than I ever thought I was, at least in regards to myself (yeah, I see that the latter sentence could easily fit into the former, if cast slightly differently; so what?) It could be that there really is no necessary connection between who I am, and how I look/choose to look (as a very wise fairy has suggested), but I worry, a lot, that if X looks like X, and is usually connected to Y, then anything X is necessarily Y (this makes sense in my head, which should tell me something).
External markers bother me; numbers, so I have been told, do not lie. And yet, if they don't, how to explain my perception of some fifteen months of "progress" in the face of this "truth"? (trans: according to the inchworm, I'm in the negatives when it comes to cup size; I'm unsure even how such a thing is possible) I have to admit that I'm pretty well satisfied with my legs, and my butt I guess. There, at least, the inchworm and perception are more in line.
I've got to stop this for now; hopefully, I can pick it up again later.
