(no subject)

I spent Saturday evening with some of the best people in the world, in one of the better contexts imaginable, and yet for a big part of the evening, I was just overwhelmingly sad. Not depressed, not full on misery, but that pervasive, gentle and bittersweet feeling of sadness that just wouldn't go away. The urge to cry would come and go, and would have likely helped if I did, but I can rarely cry when alone, much less in company. The suspiscion was that this is just how the world is underneath it all, that sadness is the rational and necessary response, but that I often refuse to see it, or feel it. I am used to the idea of absurdity, but sadness is something new.