Dec. 6th, 2003

adrienmundi: (Default)
Reading Nick Hornby reminds me of talking to you at your most relaxed and least guarded.

And yeah, that was intended to be complimentary (probably to Mr. Hornby, though).
adrienmundi: (Default)
I give myself points for endurance; I managed to make it all the way through Discovery Health Channel's "Changing Sexes: Male to Female", though there were several moments in which the urge to scan on were strong ( 1. Some smug psychologist saying that not every "man" with gender issues should transition "because some men don't make very good women"; 2. crappy and inconsistent wrting: at one point, we're told "approximately 30,000 men worldwide have gender reassignment surgery", only to hear later that "gender identity disorder affects approximately 30,000 men worldwide". 3. bad science: despite the fact that there are very serious methodological and statistical (specifically, sample size) issues surrounding the idea of the corpus colloseum (sp?) being shaped differently in men and women, much less the similarities between mtf transsexuals and women, it's presented unquestioned, as fact). And, of course, they don't focus nearly the amount of time on a relatively young, non-operative person as they do on the one who has genital surgery.

But, I made it through, probably because I am growing worried (as I do from time to time) that I feel the urge to flee, figuratively, shows like this isn't from disgust, but from perhaps internalization and X-phobia (not quite sure what to call the X). It amkes me uncomfortable seeing on tv people get coached for deportment, speech, usw, and yet there are times I worry about similar issues (though, strangely enough, I think I can say I have less problems than 2/3 of those shown; it's probably a statistical sample size issue more than anything else). It all dovetails nicely into the issues (OK, neuroses) about which I was last trying to write, namely meaning overwhelming objects of desire. But, I don't have the proper combination of endurance, bravery, and/or honesty at the moment to get further into that right now.
adrienmundi: (Default)
I want Veruca Salt (original line up) to marry Little Red Rocket/Azure Ray and move in next door to me.

Finally

Dec. 6th, 2003 10:53 pm
adrienmundi: (Default)
You are so incandescent that it’s almost painful to look at you sometimes; I feel very close to being in danger of being overwhelmed, bowled over by something much, much larger than I can contain within my own fragile shell. My eyes water from staring at bright lights, it is true, but not like this. These tears come from as deep inside of me as anything has ever gotten; you are almost too much for all of me to bear, but I can’t remove myself, and dance ever closer to the heat which warms me, but will also consume me if I’m not careful. And yet, you cannot see your own light, or even the effects it has on others, those perceptive or lucky enough to realize that, holy shit, there’s a star right fucking here! It feels almost absurd to say, “I love you”, for really, what other option is there for me? I may as well wax rhapsodic about my ability to breathe, because in both cases, I don’t have a choice, yet this is as happy a categorical imperative as I’ve ever come across. The challenge now becomes to find a reflective surface magical enough to accurately reflect this to you. Maybe that’s my job.

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags

Profile

adrienmundi: (Default)
adrienmundi

April 2025

S M T W T F S
  12345
6 789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930   

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Page generated Aug. 19th, 2025 06:27 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios