happy epiphany

What an amazing realization, that someone you love was born today.

well, crap

I hadn't realized, until yesterday, that I was inadvertently in the middle of a turf war at work. But, that does explain a lot. I've got to remember to tread carefully, as my loyalty tends to be personal, rather than structural or institutional.

the working out and the not fitting in

So, I'm starting to really hate this feeling of inactivity that seems to have set upon me in the past few months. I'm sure my sedentary job has something to do with that, but it's also about a feeling of health. I mean, if my endocrinological steps are about reclaiming my body, and my body feels most mine when in motion, then why not combine the two, right?

But... well, yeah. I'd love to swim, but my body doesn't fit into "supposed to", particularly in swimming gear. I wouldn't mind joining a gym or the like, but... can't be somewhere that I'll have to change in company, much less shower (so joining the gym in my office complex is right out). I can't bike, because Atlantans are rude, selfish assholes with little idea of where their cars are, and little interest in sharing the road*; I can't run on asphalt because of damage to my knees when I was younger (an overtrained triple jumper in early highschool). Large motions, large groups of muscles moving: that's what feels most invigorating to me, what feels *best*, but... how is it that something intended to, and on many levels succeeding in, making my body more my own, more comfortably habitable, is also making it less able to feel like my own, to feel good? I really, really, really don't want to think of this as a zero sum situation, but... damn.

Yeah, just damn.



*in general, not absolutely, particularly in my neighborhood