update

So, better than expected, once it was over. Initially, I was so nervous I could feel my heart racing, feel my own pulse in my neck. I was worried when they went to take my blood pressure, as I couldn't control it, and knew it would show high, which it did: 155/105. The nurse said something like, "Whoa..." until I told her I was incredibly nervous, at which point she seemed to worry less; apparently I only felt jittery and jumpy on the inside.

The doctor himself was good. He listened to what I had to say, and eventually maybe even clued into my dislike of binary identity. I was probably over analytical and theoretical; I tend to get that way when nervous, particularly about gender related messes, but he took it in stride. Once he had established that I was under therapeutic care and had been for a while, as well as having done my research and listened to my concerns, he said something to the effect, "Well, I'm happy to help in any way you and your therapist have agreed upon".

So, slight tweaking of meds (dropping progesterone initially, as he suspects I'm androgenizing much of it), and possibly more after the results of my bloodwork comes back, with a goal towards retention of sexual functioning while at the same time encouraging more development, at least until I might decide enough is enough. I also picked up the name of a GP to check out, as I haven't seen any doctor in over five years, primarily due to fear/embarassment/reluctance around gendery stuff.

The downside is that my body is slower to process relief from stress than its accretion; I had a nasty headache, complete with neck and forehead cramps, that I'm only now shaking off. Food, I think, and maybe company.

curious

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