Sep. 8th, 2006

29

Sep. 8th, 2006 08:55 am
adrienmundi: (Default)
I never know if my assessment of you is accurate or unfair, but I do know you make dismissal difficult, for which I'm grateful. Every time I've about decided there's no connection there, nothing for me, you go and exhibit some insight or compassion that reminds me, yes, this is what it was. It often seems like you choose to live on the popular side of the doorway, but you never seem to forget the door is there, which puts you ahead of many.
adrienmundi: (Default)
I feel like I'm lurking on the edges of academia, and have been at an increasing rate for some time. I'm starting to feel frustrated, and I'm not sure why. I don't think it's that I want to be a part of the academy, but I do want access to the ideas, and I'm willing to do the work to get to them. What I'm not willing to do is the work it would take to be a part of academia; something in me rebels, strongly, to the externally imposed structures and expectations. I don't think it's just ego or laziness on my part, but I'm not sure what it is.

So why am I frustrated? I think I want to join the conversation, but am insecure I can or will be heard. I can't cite at the drop of a hat, and I don't want to be able to. I'm not an area specialist, and don't want to be. From my outsider's perspective, though, only those who step into the stream, and carry its marks in their discourse, are heard.

So, how can I get what I want, without paying what I won't pay?

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adrienmundi

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