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Very long, involved narrative dreams last night.
I remember being in a sort of empty, sort of... not rundown, exactly, but neglected, once lush theater space. The stage was in great shape, as were the seats immediately in front of it, and it had a very rich, thick red velvet curtain. There was some even, something musical or performative, but what I remember were the people ostensibly in the audience, and my interactions with them. The theme, if there was one, was of a particular flavor of trans (mine, in the dream, but not just mine) being interpreted as a retro tinged extreme glam. There was a someone I took as a short, pretty, extremely blonde boy in high glam, open glittery robe-type jacket over a very pale, smooth chest, and I was relieved that I wasn't the only one any longer (I was basically myself, but a little thinner (*sob*) with tight pants, big hair and either an open or largely unbuttoned shirt). People in the audience assumed we knew one another based on appearance, or that we were a part of a shared scene or subculture, but we were unknown to one another. I remember walking into an open salon off a bathroom to check my hair (or makeup?) and he was there, too, doing the same. At that point, someone mutually known to us (but not really in waking life, to me at least) was talking to him, and I realized she, too, assumed we knew each other, because we were similarly trans. As this shared person talked, I realized "he" was a less than correct term (but so was "she"), but that we had more known people in common, in specific some of those associated with the trauma of 2004 for me. This short glammy person, I realized, probably knew of me, but didn't know who I was yet, because my name had not been mentioned, and I worried about what might change once I became known.
Somehow, the two of us ended up out afterwards with two of the people from 2004 (Ari and Jeni) for dinner later that night, but that the new person (if I heard a name in the dream, I don't remember it at all), still didn't place me until the other two mentioned something about T (I find myself cautious about even writing out the name) and I reacted as one who knew her; suddenly a light went on (metaphorically) and this one said, "Oh, you're that Adrien!", but there was no further explication, and the interactions weren't bad.
At some point, I ended up with Ari and Jeni and T, in the presence of my therapist, but socially, settling a bill for an earlier/previous dinner, and T was shocked at the tab. I remember saying a big chunk of it was clearly mine ($50, for some reason), which seemed to ameliorate the situation; she seemed to have been thinking it was all on her and A&J. But nothing after that.
Then another dream (like watching a show) about three brothers, all dark haired, mainstream attractive, TV-acceptable scruffy workingclass guys (i.e., not that pretty to me). There was a complicated story of interactions, history informing them in the present, and it seemed to culminate in playing pool in an older, open, once-white walled pool hall. The game itself was supposed to be snooker, but it was played with a majority of white balls, one red one where the eightball would be, and a couple of other reds on the table. I remember wondering, as a viewer, how they determined the cue from the other white balls, then surmised it was likely due to the blue chalk marks. As they broke and played, the white balls seemed less evenly round, more flattened, like low rounded trapezoids, but somehow all the physics of round pool balls still seemed to apply. I remember watching very closely as they shot, trying to figure out how they maintained position (wide part low, narrower part high) while seemingly rolling, but I never quite got it. At that point, the game and the shape of the balls, their interactions, seemed more important than the story leading up to the game.
So, who wants to take a shot at my subconscious (assuming that's where the dreams came from)?
I remember being in a sort of empty, sort of... not rundown, exactly, but neglected, once lush theater space. The stage was in great shape, as were the seats immediately in front of it, and it had a very rich, thick red velvet curtain. There was some even, something musical or performative, but what I remember were the people ostensibly in the audience, and my interactions with them. The theme, if there was one, was of a particular flavor of trans (mine, in the dream, but not just mine) being interpreted as a retro tinged extreme glam. There was a someone I took as a short, pretty, extremely blonde boy in high glam, open glittery robe-type jacket over a very pale, smooth chest, and I was relieved that I wasn't the only one any longer (I was basically myself, but a little thinner (*sob*) with tight pants, big hair and either an open or largely unbuttoned shirt). People in the audience assumed we knew one another based on appearance, or that we were a part of a shared scene or subculture, but we were unknown to one another. I remember walking into an open salon off a bathroom to check my hair (or makeup?) and he was there, too, doing the same. At that point, someone mutually known to us (but not really in waking life, to me at least) was talking to him, and I realized she, too, assumed we knew each other, because we were similarly trans. As this shared person talked, I realized "he" was a less than correct term (but so was "she"), but that we had more known people in common, in specific some of those associated with the trauma of 2004 for me. This short glammy person, I realized, probably knew of me, but didn't know who I was yet, because my name had not been mentioned, and I worried about what might change once I became known.
Somehow, the two of us ended up out afterwards with two of the people from 2004 (Ari and Jeni) for dinner later that night, but that the new person (if I heard a name in the dream, I don't remember it at all), still didn't place me until the other two mentioned something about T (I find myself cautious about even writing out the name) and I reacted as one who knew her; suddenly a light went on (metaphorically) and this one said, "Oh, you're that Adrien!", but there was no further explication, and the interactions weren't bad.
At some point, I ended up with Ari and Jeni and T, in the presence of my therapist, but socially, settling a bill for an earlier/previous dinner, and T was shocked at the tab. I remember saying a big chunk of it was clearly mine ($50, for some reason), which seemed to ameliorate the situation; she seemed to have been thinking it was all on her and A&J. But nothing after that.
Then another dream (like watching a show) about three brothers, all dark haired, mainstream attractive, TV-acceptable scruffy workingclass guys (i.e., not that pretty to me). There was a complicated story of interactions, history informing them in the present, and it seemed to culminate in playing pool in an older, open, once-white walled pool hall. The game itself was supposed to be snooker, but it was played with a majority of white balls, one red one where the eightball would be, and a couple of other reds on the table. I remember wondering, as a viewer, how they determined the cue from the other white balls, then surmised it was likely due to the blue chalk marks. As they broke and played, the white balls seemed less evenly round, more flattened, like low rounded trapezoids, but somehow all the physics of round pool balls still seemed to apply. I remember watching very closely as they shot, trying to figure out how they maintained position (wide part low, narrower part high) while seemingly rolling, but I never quite got it. At that point, the game and the shape of the balls, their interactions, seemed more important than the story leading up to the game.
So, who wants to take a shot at my subconscious (assuming that's where the dreams came from)?
