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Alchemical lesson
Oct. 17th, 2008 07:05 amSo, two weeks ago, we went to Alchemy, a local burn (think Burning Man, Temporary Autonomous Zone, etc.), and it was different and way better than I expected it to be. I'd worried a lot about feeling excluded, but fairyhead predicted I'd be fine, since I'm a friendly extrovert (no, really) just looking for an excuse, and on the whole, she was right.
Two of the major social principles as I understand them are radical acceptance and radical inclusion; that everyone is welcome, and everyone has a right to be included without judgment. From what I could see, this was largely in effect, and it was impressive and gave me hope for some large groups of people.
Despite the overwhelmingly positive environment (and I need to stress that it was very, very positive), the whole experience underscored a painful lesson for me that I'm still having problems digesting. People were serious and sincere in their acceptance and inclusion, to the extent that their perspectives and experiences allowed.
Right off the bat, in very friendly and open interactions with strangers, innocent seeming gender assignments were made wholly without malice. I'm used to this most of the time, and I don't like it, but I'm usually geared up for it in the world at large. Here, and throughout the weekend, in the midst of all this openness and friendliness, it was extra jarring, and I was unprepared for it; I relaxed and was more open, which means this innocent ignorance jabbed deeper into me.
I know I'm not easy for people when it comes to gender; I don't fit myself into the standard paradigm, either conceptually or through generally accessible signification. I genuinely believe that it's no one's fault that most are ill prepared for even the concept of non-binary, non-continuum based gender. I think it'd be easier for me to deal with it was intentional, but it's not, particularly at Alchemy.
But I realized that to be included and accepted on my terms, in ways that resonate with my own experience of self, I'd have to basically work my ass off with everyone with whom I came into contact. I'd have to explain my position, my embodiment, my signification, make my requests explicit, and probably have to do basic Trans 101-103 to provide the foundation. Unlike the open love and acceptance for so many others, I was inconceivable from the start position of most in attendance.
I don't mean to color the entire event, to cast aspersions on anyone's intention or interaction, because I think people did amazingly well. I encountered some very kind, open, friendly people, but the gulf I felt between them and me seemed out of place, but practically unbridgeable. I don't want to have to always be explaining myself, but due to the circumstances above, it seems unavoidable, and while it's nobody's fault, it makes me very sad that I couldn't connect as closely and easily in what was, by any other standard, an environment made for me.
Two of the major social principles as I understand them are radical acceptance and radical inclusion; that everyone is welcome, and everyone has a right to be included without judgment. From what I could see, this was largely in effect, and it was impressive and gave me hope for some large groups of people.
Despite the overwhelmingly positive environment (and I need to stress that it was very, very positive), the whole experience underscored a painful lesson for me that I'm still having problems digesting. People were serious and sincere in their acceptance and inclusion, to the extent that their perspectives and experiences allowed.
Right off the bat, in very friendly and open interactions with strangers, innocent seeming gender assignments were made wholly without malice. I'm used to this most of the time, and I don't like it, but I'm usually geared up for it in the world at large. Here, and throughout the weekend, in the midst of all this openness and friendliness, it was extra jarring, and I was unprepared for it; I relaxed and was more open, which means this innocent ignorance jabbed deeper into me.
I know I'm not easy for people when it comes to gender; I don't fit myself into the standard paradigm, either conceptually or through generally accessible signification. I genuinely believe that it's no one's fault that most are ill prepared for even the concept of non-binary, non-continuum based gender. I think it'd be easier for me to deal with it was intentional, but it's not, particularly at Alchemy.
But I realized that to be included and accepted on my terms, in ways that resonate with my own experience of self, I'd have to basically work my ass off with everyone with whom I came into contact. I'd have to explain my position, my embodiment, my signification, make my requests explicit, and probably have to do basic Trans 101-103 to provide the foundation. Unlike the open love and acceptance for so many others, I was inconceivable from the start position of most in attendance.
I don't mean to color the entire event, to cast aspersions on anyone's intention or interaction, because I think people did amazingly well. I encountered some very kind, open, friendly people, but the gulf I felt between them and me seemed out of place, but practically unbridgeable. I don't want to have to always be explaining myself, but due to the circumstances above, it seems unavoidable, and while it's nobody's fault, it makes me very sad that I couldn't connect as closely and easily in what was, by any other standard, an environment made for me.
