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Feb. 26th, 2009
(no subject)
Feb. 26th, 2009 08:37 pmSo I stopped taking the spironolactone back in October/November because it made it too easy to just retreat from a lot of body-related issues rather than dealing with them, and yeah, some things I'm just not ready to give up. It doesn't help that there's an entire narrative structured around doing just that. It's like a gradually steepening gradient that guides you to the normative (in this sense) valley in such a way that it seems accidental or, god forbid, 'natural'.
But if there's a pattern and an authority, I'll find it sooner or later; I've got to be able to say 'fuck you!' some how, after all. Besides, sometimes it takes getting hit over the head, repeatedly, before I'll listen (in this case, to the curious voice of what feels like my body itself). I kinda knew before, only now I know, that my way will never be pret a porter.
But, there were good sides of the spironolactone that I'd gotten so accustomed to I started taking for granted. The only trait I really got from my father's side of the family was curious swaths of dark body hair, and that's slowly starting to make a come back: yay. Good thing the razor and I are well acquainted, damn it.
I wish I could just get what I wanted easily, without all this damned juggling and weighing of consequences.
But if there's a pattern and an authority, I'll find it sooner or later; I've got to be able to say 'fuck you!' some how, after all. Besides, sometimes it takes getting hit over the head, repeatedly, before I'll listen (in this case, to the curious voice of what feels like my body itself). I kinda knew before, only now I know, that my way will never be pret a porter.
But, there were good sides of the spironolactone that I'd gotten so accustomed to I started taking for granted. The only trait I really got from my father's side of the family was curious swaths of dark body hair, and that's slowly starting to make a come back: yay. Good thing the razor and I are well acquainted, damn it.
I wish I could just get what I wanted easily, without all this damned juggling and weighing of consequences.