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May. 13th, 2009 09:39 pmI'm not writing enough, and what I am writing is disjointed, doesn't make the sense I need for it to make. What I write in some places almost connects to what I write in others, but there's something missing, some negative space it still feels like I'm circling but failing to accurately describe by mapping the adjacent terrain; I'll never surround this.
I don't know my audience, intended or actual, and I can't write for myself well. I'm dialectical to a fault, and obsessed with the idea of communicating... something. I can work in my head, or sometimes with o(O)thers nonverbally, but that doesn't help me get things across to other people much. Hell, I have trouble sometimes remembering to use the English other people use, instead of whatever it is I speak ("the individual words make sense, but meaning is absent...").
But I keep trying. I guess I don't know how not to. That feels at times hopeful, losery, mad, autonomic, and hopelessly naive. I think they have a word for that... Camusian?
I don't know my audience, intended or actual, and I can't write for myself well. I'm dialectical to a fault, and obsessed with the idea of communicating... something. I can work in my head, or sometimes with o(O)thers nonverbally, but that doesn't help me get things across to other people much. Hell, I have trouble sometimes remembering to use the English other people use, instead of whatever it is I speak ("the individual words make sense, but meaning is absent...").
But I keep trying. I guess I don't know how not to. That feels at times hopeful, losery, mad, autonomic, and hopelessly naive. I think they have a word for that... Camusian?
