dream

Strange dream about being a generally clueless, but important, human in a group of old faeries/magical beings hiding out as human, and well trained humans in the know, gathering to oppose something bad and imminent. Weird things happened around me, and there was always the feeling of another shoe about to drop, but in a necessary, if nerve wracking way.

Then a dream about being supernaturally, impossibly strong, with an associate who had an item, or something not-her, that made her almost as strong, helping some thick necked guy with muscles lift his tractor trailer so it could clear a strange set of switchbacks on an inhabited, but curiously abandoned, dam. I remember I shredded a big rock like soft bread to show I could do what needed to be done.

Weird, and seemingly extracontextual.

(no subject)

Fuck, maybe I need to start limiting the things I read and the places I read them. I just don't know if I have the energy or fortitude to read things with which I generally agree, then suddenly take a turn into "yeah..... wait, no way you just did that thing you did!" The irony being, a discussion on a list talking about privilege and the burden of educating, suddenly making the unquestioned statement that trans people are men or women.

I sometimes wish I could be self contained enough to be a hermit, but it's just not in the cards for me.

Damn it.

(no subject)

One of my favorite experiences of the ocean is standing in the sand at the edge of the water and feeling the waves suck away at the sand under my feet. It's a fun sort of waiting for vertigo, and for my weight to shift to the holes where my feet used to be, such that I have to shift and then the game starts again.

But what I like about it is that it's a change from the everyday, where ground is habitually solid and reliable. What I don't like is the metaphorical (synaesthetic?) situation where solidity is a constantly chased spectre, where I'm never sure if I'll have enough purchase on the current shifting sand to make it to the next spot before it disappears. On the bad days, being conceptually excluded feels like standing on a tiny strip of sand just below the water as it gets sucked away, with no dry land in sight.