(no subject)

Slept intermittently, with strange dreams about a lot of apparently meaningless car travel, small secondary houses/trailers/sheds people were living in behind already small rural houses, a maybe occupied decrepit tree house, trying to take care of the potential people that might be there on a cold night only to run into a threesome of relatively affluent people sleeping outside in expensive cold weather gear. I woke up to No Doubt's "Spiderweb" in my head, and it's been there ever since.


I don't know why I'm so unhappy lately. I mean, I don't know exactly why. Worse, I don't know what to do about it, how to begin to start addressing it, or if it can even be addressed. It might be the new reality, for all I know, grinning and bearing it the only option (one at which I am ill equipped to implement successfully). It's making me erratic, unstable, and probably no fun to be around. To date, it's not making me mean, though. I guess that's something.

(no subject)

I think I need new ways for seeing myself. I don't like most of the ones I've got.



Also, I can be hurt without being angry. I need to remember this.

(no subject)

Maybe this would all be easier if I had managed to cry last Saturday morning, but I didn't.