Rx unfulfilled

There's something I'm not getting, that much is clear. It's mental, or mental-social, and if I can abuse a metaphor a bit, I've been trying to self medicate, with less than stellar results. Because my inner structuralist is always ON (which could definitely interfere with the potential efficacy of what I try), there are patterns that suggest problem areas, longed for solutions:

-positive acknowledgment of difference
-difference in the company of the different
-freedom from projected culpability
-freedom, in general
-safe/expanded/buffered space
-conscious, reflective engagement
-willing, actively engaged acceptance
-the possibility of unchained action
-freedom from crippling self doubt


Yeah, it's a tall fucking order. I know I should try to look at it less than a monolith and more as a series of discrete tasks or challenges, but every attempt to break it down or break it off just creates another terrifying monolith that encourages a retreat into transparent, unsatisfying fantasy.