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Dec. 29th, 2013 06:05 pmContinuing to work on alienation in therapy, I can't seem to escape from issues of gender. Not that I think all my alienation is gender related (it's not), or even that gender was the first distance between myself and others (it wasn't). It is, however, the first go-to in my head about not trusting others, not being sure if people are worth the investment in gender and trans 101 education, and why it's generally "safer" to stay at a distance.Except that I hate it, and it's not really helping me in ways I need any more (if it ever did).
Sometimes the things I say in therapy surprise me. ZB, "I don't have to talk about gender issues with friends all of the time, but I have to feel like I can talk about gender issues for someone to feel like a friend."
I absolutely grant that I might well be able to talk to receptive, interested people more than I feel like I can. I don't know how to judge the likelihood of that, and the main options appear to be to either stay back or be defenselessly vulnerable. I need to know what other options look and feel like. I feel like I'm ready to really work at this, only I don't quite know where to put my effort.
Sometimes the things I say in therapy surprise me. ZB, "I don't have to talk about gender issues with friends all of the time, but I have to feel like I can talk about gender issues for someone to feel like a friend."
I absolutely grant that I might well be able to talk to receptive, interested people more than I feel like I can. I don't know how to judge the likelihood of that, and the main options appear to be to either stay back or be defenselessly vulnerable. I need to know what other options look and feel like. I feel like I'm ready to really work at this, only I don't quite know where to put my effort.
