small bits from big work

I'm pretty sure one of the reasons I feel so socio-politically disempowered is because I feel powerless to effect positive/sustainable change in gender/sexuality flavored places in my personal life. How does one come to accept the unacceptable? Is some level of acceptance required for greater engagement and empowerment? I keep hearing an echoing accusation of "sell out" and abandonment.



I feel less fear and anxiety about impending judgement from my sixteen year old self than I did (still do) about confronting my fourteen year old self. I've got a few months until the numbers line up and I feel compelled to make that connection.



I keep circling back to the same unresolved knots.It's finally starting to feel important. Maybe I've changed enough to have a different enough perspective to see things differently. I'm acutely aware of the power imbalance between me and the things I find troubling. I wish I was better at intentional personification, or maybe not. Would it help to be angry at the stone titan so large that I don't even register?


I am trying,trying, trying to find my way back. To what, I'm not sure, but it's important.