(no subject)

A recurring but infrequent character in my dreams about Athens is Zach Braff as a sincere, stereotypical frat boy. He really is a frat boy, not a famous actor playing a frat boy, but he's also recognizably Zach Braff, with his usual over the top almost comedic delivery being a part of who he is in the dream. No matter the context, or how long I've been away from Athens or college time in dream context, he's always very clear about his desire to hang out more, to spend more time with me, which confuses me and always takes me aback, but the sincerity is inarguable.

Dilettante in all things

I had a friend (someone on the border of near acquaintance/new friend) suggest that I might be autistic, because she's autistic and sees a lot of commonality. I have another friend recently find a great deal of solace in accepting that she's probably autistic. I'm mixed about this.


on the first point, it's easy to dismiss: I can read people's emotional cues pretty well, and can hold eye contact even if it makes me uncomfortable. I don't have problems with change, don't have to have objects in a particular place (Sure, I have preferences, but that's sentience), etc.

on another hand, it would be nice to be able to point to thing or things as to why life is such a damned struggle, but again, I assume that's sentience

I suspect that, as in most other things, I'm a dilettante in regard to mental disorders, too: share some symptoms with a lot of them, but not so many, or to such a degree, that it's overwhelming (but life itself is nigh-overwhelming, so maybe I'm a bad judge)

truthfully, I don't expect to find much soothing from something as "simple" (not that it is, just that it seems so to me, from my perspective) as a diagnosis. I have way more than that going on at a given time

so there's probably a degree of envy, and of self-interrogation because of it