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Apr. 24th, 2003 12:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adrienmundiEvery year I make the southern geek pilgrimage to Dragoncon. (Yeah, I'm a big old geek; what can I do?) It's a good, if weird, mix of geek, freak, old school scifi/fantasy, contemporary pop culture, and every flavor of anything that even once brushed up against any of these categories.
However, in recent years it just hasn't been as much fun for me. I don't think that it's accidental that this un-fun has corresponded with even the tiniest of beginnings to externalize my gender issues. There's the traditional geek dynamic of, "Ooh, look, girls!" at Dcon (though often times it's better dressed, and has better manners). Even if one does not overtly partake in the making a spectacle of oneself, a well dressed "girl"(1) will attract a crowd; it's a strange form of instant celebrity. Run through my own experiential filter, it's as though "boys" don't exist.
It's a complex issue for me. Ideally, it should be about a sense of freedom; so long as I'm not the person in the thong and electical tape, I should be OK. It doesn't feel that way, though; I worry a great deal about the assignment of meaning, the assumptions, or worse yet, being ignored. There's nothing quite like being with a group of attractive "girls" on the main floor any given evening and realizing that no matter how you move, you're in someone's way who wants to take a photo, or wants to compliment/talk /flirt with one of the pack. It's moments like this that likely served as inspiration for Joss Whedon to write "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"; it's certainly not fun.
Obviously, this is an arena fraught with issues for me: "passing", subcultural label acquisition, parody vs sincerity, gender specificity, heterosexism, performative bisexuality (almost always "girl" performance), group dynamics,usw. I don't have a solid grasp on even one of these, much less the lot. I'm quite conflicted, almost to the level of dread when I think about it.
Forgotten Footnote:
1. I use the terms "girl" and "boy" based on presentation, not as absolute and/or natural categories.
However, in recent years it just hasn't been as much fun for me. I don't think that it's accidental that this un-fun has corresponded with even the tiniest of beginnings to externalize my gender issues. There's the traditional geek dynamic of, "Ooh, look, girls!" at Dcon (though often times it's better dressed, and has better manners). Even if one does not overtly partake in the making a spectacle of oneself, a well dressed "girl"(1) will attract a crowd; it's a strange form of instant celebrity. Run through my own experiential filter, it's as though "boys" don't exist.
It's a complex issue for me. Ideally, it should be about a sense of freedom; so long as I'm not the person in the thong and electical tape, I should be OK. It doesn't feel that way, though; I worry a great deal about the assignment of meaning, the assumptions, or worse yet, being ignored. There's nothing quite like being with a group of attractive "girls" on the main floor any given evening and realizing that no matter how you move, you're in someone's way who wants to take a photo, or wants to compliment/talk /flirt with one of the pack. It's moments like this that likely served as inspiration for Joss Whedon to write "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"; it's certainly not fun.
Obviously, this is an arena fraught with issues for me: "passing", subcultural label acquisition, parody vs sincerity, gender specificity, heterosexism, performative bisexuality (almost always "girl" performance), group dynamics,usw. I don't have a solid grasp on even one of these, much less the lot. I'm quite conflicted, almost to the level of dread when I think about it.
Forgotten Footnote:
1. I use the terms "girl" and "boy" based on presentation, not as absolute and/or natural categories.
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no subject
Date: 2003-04-24 05:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-24 07:03 am (UTC)no subject
OOOOOOR...a barrel of FABU drag queens dressed like that...then make sure they announce they are really men! The fan-geek-boys will freak and question every woman they see!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-24 07:58 am (UTC)Had not noticed this; there are often times that I can't go three steps without being stopped. And I look male, whatever weird endocrinological problems my body throws at me. But then I'm a freak.
parody vs sincerity
::Nods::
'Tis why I did 'straight-drag' at DM's memoriual party, after winning the previous show with goattee and mustache. Seemed apropos.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-25 07:35 am (UTC)You may be right.
It's a role I've known well and often -
Friend of many groups, but needfully a core part of any.