adrienmundi

I watched American: The Bill Hicks Story this morning, and I think I'm taking the wrong message from it. I'd been aware of Hicks, found him by turns funny, inspirational and annoying, but never dove too deeply into his work (honestly, because everyone told me I should or had to; I'm apparently still a rebellious teenager with a knee-jerk reaction a lot of the time). I like his message, particularly after he cleaned up, but on a certain level it scares me. So much of the movie was about his frustration, his anguish at not being able to speak to others in ways that were authentic and that would also be something that would reach people. Watching his marginalization, doubt and alienation triggers my own fears about the same things, and makes me realize how much I hold back because I'm afraid of speaking about things and in ways that no one cares about or understands. In a backwards, messed up way, those fears connect to my gender issues/fears as well; I'm even more afraid to make any external movement there for fear of it foreclosing any possibility of communicating meaningfully with others.

I'm seeing things in my head in new ways. That should be good, right?