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Sep. 10th, 2003 01:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adrienmundiI think I tend to forgo actual accomplishment in favor of potential; I think I tend to fetishize transformation, a bad case of becoming over being. I had this thought while at work, and had it situationally reinforced when watching the wisest fairy work with clay last night. There seemed to be such a satisfaction taken in working with clay in hand, with tangible results on tangible objects; to me, this underscored my own epiphany.
My grandmother is in the hospital now for a relatively minor mineral imbalance (as minor as anything can be when you're well into your eighties). Everyone in my family keeps me up to date, and ends with, "You should call her." I wish her well, I really do; I'm fond of her in a distant sort of way that is only possible when you have warm feelings, but nothing in common. I don't know why I resist the calling, aside from the social awkwardness (I don't overstate when I say we've nothing in common). Even taking into account that I'm not close to my family, it seems odd.
Driving back from the geekfest, windows down so that it actually felt a little cool on my ears, Robert del Naja singing as loudly as he ever does, and I realized that missing people has nothing to do with distance, time, or frequency; it's tied to a desire for specific presences at specific times. Were I capable of being so, I would be a selfish tyrant, I'm afraid.
My grandmother is in the hospital now for a relatively minor mineral imbalance (as minor as anything can be when you're well into your eighties). Everyone in my family keeps me up to date, and ends with, "You should call her." I wish her well, I really do; I'm fond of her in a distant sort of way that is only possible when you have warm feelings, but nothing in common. I don't know why I resist the calling, aside from the social awkwardness (I don't overstate when I say we've nothing in common). Even taking into account that I'm not close to my family, it seems odd.
Driving back from the geekfest, windows down so that it actually felt a little cool on my ears, Robert del Naja singing as loudly as he ever does, and I realized that missing people has nothing to do with distance, time, or frequency; it's tied to a desire for specific presences at specific times. Were I capable of being so, I would be a selfish tyrant, I'm afraid.
