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Sep. 24th, 2003 12:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adrienmundiAlmost a week ago (six days, to be exact), I found myself lying in bed, totally relaxed, but mind a-zoomin'. (This used to be a semiregular occurence, until I stumbled on to the semi-meditative aspects of hollowly affirmative, wish fulfillment fantasy world creation that sets my mind in the direction of sleep.) I'm not always a big fan of this sort of brain activity; at times I think I lack the trust to sit back and let my semi-unconscious go, and not worry about the intervening steps and what they might mean/connect to until it's gotten me to where it's determined to take me. I think I'm freakily paranoid about tracing the steps so as to be able to explain them to others, as I have a big problem, or at least I think I do, leading others along the path to my conclusions. And that brings me back to what I started to write about.
This time, I did sit back and watch, and saw the multiple threads of frustration (gender, mystic metaphor, interpersonal communication, insight-dependency, usw) weave together. The potential, partial truth that arose out of this was a unifying theme that I haven't quite managed to put into elegant words, but this is the best I can do for now. At the risk of sounding horribly self-aggrandizing, I see things that others don't seem to, or possibly in ways others don't seem to, and can't seem to explain them to others. I experience this disconnect all over the spectrum of interpersonal relations, with gender being just the most uncomfortable and persistent, possibly the area in which I find myself seemingly further afield from my experience of the experience of others.
So, if I'm to trust my own internal processes, that seems like the underlying thread to a lot of my issues with others. If that's so, what next?
This time, I did sit back and watch, and saw the multiple threads of frustration (gender, mystic metaphor, interpersonal communication, insight-dependency, usw) weave together. The potential, partial truth that arose out of this was a unifying theme that I haven't quite managed to put into elegant words, but this is the best I can do for now. At the risk of sounding horribly self-aggrandizing, I see things that others don't seem to, or possibly in ways others don't seem to, and can't seem to explain them to others. I experience this disconnect all over the spectrum of interpersonal relations, with gender being just the most uncomfortable and persistent, possibly the area in which I find myself seemingly further afield from my experience of the experience of others.
So, if I'm to trust my own internal processes, that seems like the underlying thread to a lot of my issues with others. If that's so, what next?
