How much is enough?

Talking with my nearest dearest tonight about The Fear (probably inspired by conversation with said fairy and the hottest person we've ever picked up in a bar) as manifested in people. She suggests that my Fear isn't as great as that of many others, but that my Fear of Fear (...of Fear) is pretty impressive.

But that reinforces some of the thinking I've been doing lately. As I'm actually starting to look at my own future a bit (which is more than a little daunting), the fear thing is seeming both more real, and less absolute (if that makes any sense). I suspect there will come a time in which I will begin to make some distinctly uncertain, if not actually uncomfortable; certainly family, and likely some acqaintance (though hopefully no friends). Physically, I'm moving the direction I feel pretty sure I want to head. I'm not quite sure where it goes, or where I'll stop (though I feel pretty damned certain of where I won't stop), and have begun to consider practicalities, externalities, and (unfortunate) social realities. But, I get ahead of myself.

I'd intended to talk about the feeling of "enough", as in, at what point will it feel like enough so that I can try to live as I think I might want to? This whole once a month thing, while not uncomfortable, and not unpleasant, certainly isn't enough for me. I need more... experience? data points? to know for sure, but I worry that I can't pull "it" off enough to feel safe/comfortable. Too, I totally hate the general meaning of "passing". I don't want to fit a mold, or to mislead anyone, but there are certain times I want to look a certain way; if it happens to shift categories, why does so much extra shit come along with that (both from within me, and from without?)

hmm... losing track.