(no subject)

I'm in that curious but not unknown state of mind where thoughts come like bullets out of a gun, each one begging the question of the one following tracer-like behind. Were I more than a dilettante of an epistimologist, this difficult to stop search for root answers, unmoved movers of definitions and ideas might be more illuminating. As it is, it feels more and more like I'm caught in a construct at least in part of my own making (possibly arrogant, egocentric remodelling of my own upon a piece of found art that makes me seemingly more susceptible, or at least more willing to complain about it, than many I have encountered).

There are times in which the persistent consistency of definitional questioning in my own head feels like it threatens to expose the fiction of language all together; not so much, "Why?", but rather, "What does X mean? X is defined by Y. What does Y mean? Y is defined by Z..." ad finitum, until I come full circle, having only discovered self-referentiality without ever coming closer to the answers I look for. I make claims of post structuralism, and as I understand the term (see above for roots of doubt), it generally applies, but I can't help wondering sometimes if a truer definition is that of one quite aware of the structure, it's rules and patterns, but distinctly unhappy with one's place in it; the desire to disassemble/spindle/fold/mutilate/blow up/raze springs from a desire to make things better for me, somewhat informed by the nihlistic proto-urge of reduction to nothingness across the board.

(no subject)

Grrr. I have a peculiar relationship to things that strike me as interesting, but wrong; I must, because I get irritate, sometimes angry, but I continue reading/watching/listening anyway. More often than not, of course, this is usually about gender issues, more specifically about someone telling me how I am/should be. Susan Sonntag was the first (though hardly special for that), but since then it's included Walter Benjamin, Janice Raymond, Kate Bornstein, and Riki Wilchins, among others (Camille Paglia isn't on this list, for despite being very definitely wrong, she's just not interesting, and is thus easily avoidable).

My initial response is always, "Wow, I'm taking this personally; I wonder why that is?" Some time later, I realize that of course I'm taking it personally, as it's someone who's not me trying to circumscribe my actions, my options, and my very identity to suit some purpose of their own; how can that be anything but personal?

Strangely run out of steam again; that's been happening a lot lately. Maybe there's something to this astrology thing, after all.

(no subject)

"when an identity cannot be applied equally, those who are less equal refuse identification."

No shit, really?