(no subject)

Can't seem to stay focused much lately; hence the many short posts. Maybe it's a reflection of the scattered nature of my mind/life lately; maybe it's me finally not trying to force things into a superstructure. I don't know at this point, but it's annoying and frustrating.

The feeling that something has to give keeps growing, to the point that I will wake up some mornings with Ian Curtis singing, "Something must break..." in my head. This sense of, "Nope, that's not me" is strong, but there isn't a positive I can offer in its place. There's a tiny, but insistent voice that keeps suggesting I'm not trying for fear of failing; it'd be easier to ignore if the fear of being a monumental, irreparable failure wasn't so damned terrifying. It's not like I really expect a fairy godmother to wave a magic wand or anything, but the prospect of having only very limited and recalcitrant materials with which to work makes me tremble in fear; fingerpaint and noodle art for life isn't my idea of fun.

the new math

Me = big fucking coward + lacking the strength of my convictions

Yeah, that's about right.

Hmm...

Taken from here.


You are Batman! You are damned cool. Too bad nobody's around to enjoy it. You creeped them all out. You are so intense that no one can compete, so they get out of your way. Don't get me wrong, we all look up to you, but kinda how we look up at God. With fear and from far far away.

Ah, that explains the alienation...