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then and now
Mar. 15th, 2005 05:35 pmLast night, for no apparently good reason, I found myself randomly clicking through journal entries of mine from 2001. I think I was more honest, more direct, maybe even more open then, than I am now in this medium. I think there was a certain freedom in thinking that no one read, or would read my entries; I almost never responded to comments, for whatever that means.
Now, I think the knowledge of a readership has changed my relationship with this medium. I write more carefully, now, expose myself, particularly my doubts and neuroses, much, much less, and often cryptically when I do. For a variety of reasons, I don't trust my self, my potential audience, and the consequences of being as forthright as I used to be. It's weird; I'm not sure if either then or now is better, but there is a definite difference in tone, subject matter, and depth of excavation.
Now, I think the knowledge of a readership has changed my relationship with this medium. I write more carefully, now, expose myself, particularly my doubts and neuroses, much, much less, and often cryptically when I do. For a variety of reasons, I don't trust my self, my potential audience, and the consequences of being as forthright as I used to be. It's weird; I'm not sure if either then or now is better, but there is a definite difference in tone, subject matter, and depth of excavation.
