(no subject)

It's an odd, odd day today; I'm feeling out of step, maybe out of phase, with what looks like the rest of the world. There's a gnawing pit of unease, discomfort, in my stomach, but I'll be caught with delighted amazement at the incredible sharp greenness of trees on the side of the road, or feel suddenly connected for an instant with the clever turn of a phrase in songs. It's like I want to inhabit myself, or my place in the world, differently (though how, I could not say), but the world of people as I experience it wants consistency, stability, rigidity. I careen internally from the daily happy game of trying to catch a glimpse of the river as I cross it (driving into the apex of a bend; the river on both sides recedes backwards from my northward field of vision) to a consuming irritation at the selfishness of drivers, or the hypocrisy of seeing a "Protect Wildlife" license on a gigantic new Ford Explorer. I feel as though I'm being shoved into a corner by people who mean no harm, who don't know better, but still are pushing me in a box against my will. In abandoning the mainstream binary, I cannot counter "this" with the only think that makes sense to most, "that", leaving me with a weak, hollow "no", from a source I can't say or defend, other than I know it to be (relatively) right. I worry that I'm losing perspective on myself, and don't know any more what comes from where, or who, even; could be that it's all from me, projected outwards and reflected back to me (though I doubt that's the case all, or even most of the time, but I could be wrong).

So maybe that's what I need, perspective. Tell me who I am, or who you think I am, no ego stroking, no sugar coating, no sycophantism. Maybe I can map things with enough points of view

(no subject)

"I want Miss Little Smart Girl with your glasses and all your books"

Fuck if Louis XIV doesn't rock like Elastica.