whining: addendum

But, if gender is largely social, where the hell did mine come from? Even at my most egocentric, I find it very hard to believe that I am truly unique in that regard, bringing something wholly new and unknown all on my own. But I'm not an essentialist, either biological or metaphysical; I don't believe there is an internal template that we have from birth that is responsible for who we become. There seems to be a basic truth in identity being social, to me. If that is so, then I cannot be outside the allowable, because I *do* exist. So... it leads me to the conclusion that I am allowed to exist as I experience myself, but at the same time, I am not supposed to exist as I experience myself. I'm not sure how to resolve that.

(no subject)

Sometimes, I worry that I create a fictional overlay for the world that is more inviting, kinder, and special to me because the world at large is often pretty uncaring and cold to me. Or, I worry that I interpret something real in ways that are inaccurate and wish fulfilling. I guess a part of life without boundaries really should include no absolute certainty. I guess I've got to work on that.