Aug. 30th, 2005

adrienmundi: (Default)
One of the people previously referred to as "Office Bunny" (for which I carry some guilt, and am looking to reform as soon as I figure out how) has been slowly undergoing changes, and finally clicked for me today, with a "wow, good for her" response. What, you might wonder, are those changes? Strangely, she put on some weight. How did I notice? Because I look, probably a little too often. "How like a... whatever the hell you are!" some of you may be thinking in outrage, but honestly, I look because of envy, primarily, and can't resist that known, self inflicted pain (though, to be honest, when isn't envy mixed with desire? I've got a shiny quarter for anyone who can offer one solid example).

While not anorexic or decidedly underweight before, the program of strict control and self-monitoring was obvious to anyone who even thought about paying attention, and I don't think it was projection to see that it chafed and was unwelcome. Part of the job, and certainly of the role, is to present herself for the gaze, and that has not changed, but... strangely enough, the allowing of maybe five or more pounds additional seemed this morning to me like a relaxation, like an allowance of self, like a reclaimation of sorts, and I found myself celebrating that, though silently.

Curious, weird stuff that I haven't quite worked out.
adrienmundi: (Default)
Oh, god, how I love dynamic weather! Yesterday I could not connect, could not get out of myself; today the world refuses to be ignored. My lunch walk was extraordinary today; the massive, fast moving clouds allowing glimpses of clear blue sky, the wind occasionally swooping low enough that its full strength could be felt. Cresting the hill at the start of my path, I took off my dress shirt so my arms were exposed; if I thought I could get away with it, I would have taken off more and danced in the wind.

Hearing the sudden loud, strong rushing of air behind me, seeing the trees wave from their tops down, I laughed aloud, realizing that the same wind that terrified me as a child was now comfortable, welcome, and knew it. The blue/grey/white and the gold and green kept shifting, swapping places; the sun, refusing to be left out, kept poking holes in the cloud cover. I felt overfilled with energy, and kept throwing seed cones as hard as I could into the underbrush, and laughing.

I don't have much to offer, but damn if I don't have a lot to share.



Today's snippets of songs:

"You have to believe we are maaagic"
"I never can say goodbye, girl"
"It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it..."

Go outside, and look up. Really. You won't be sorry.
adrienmundi: (Default)
Twisted up, kinda cranky, kinda dissatisfied. Lots of things offer themselves up as foci, but I'm not sure the source. Hmm.

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