overload and hopelessness

I read a lot of politics every day, and I'm coming to understand that when I say I read a lot, I mean a lot. I start my day with Echidne of the Snakes and Pandagon, usually following a handful of links before moving on to Alternet and Truthout, stopping by The Rude Pundit for some scornful comiseration before heading over to the excellent group blog Shakespeare's Sister and the link extravaganza that it is. When I'm feeling awake and focused enough, I hit Feministe and Digby's Hullabaloo. I read The Nation, Utne, Common Dreams and Mother Jones weekly, and who knows how many others on a regular, if not daily, basis.

This isn't to blow my own horn, really. In part, I read to fill the moments of downtime, but a big part of my motivation is that it feels like duty or obligation. I want to know what's going on in the world, I want to be able to defend my perspective, my political, social and economic stances. I feel like it's an obligation of citizenship to be informed (even though most of my sources are liberal/progressive, I often follow back to original conservative sources); I want to know from what directions the attacks are coming.

But the problem with all of this is that it very often leads me to feeling burned out, overwhelmed, and hopeless. Seeing all the attacks on open government, on civil liberties, the environment, the idea of rule of law, etc, makes me feel beaten down, but in a way that doesn't give me the option to quit, lie down, or even rest. I know this is the path to bitterness and defeatism, but I don't know how to stop, or even if stopping is morally justified. I don't feel obssessed in the clinical sense, but I do feel compelled to carry on, even though I feel like I don't make much of a difference no matter how focused I am, how well informed, how many letters I send, how many people I talk to. On the very personal micro-level, life is good, and getting better, I think, but that's not all of life, and never will be. The larger issues intrude, or can intrude at any time. I'm out of balance, and don't know how to get it back, if I ever had it, or if maybe I'm just embodying the larger problem myself.

Ironically, all of this began as an attempt to find some good news for a friend feeling a bit overwhelmed by the bad this morning :/

I think I started early

(horoscope from Free Will Astrology)

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

The Season of Dreams begins now. While you're sleeping, you'll be working harder than usual as you dive deeper into your subconscious mind in quest of mythic stories that can transform your waking life. Here's a list of some of the dream themes you might encounter, along with possible interpretations. Dreams of the circus coming to town mean that maybe you should indulge a barely acknowledged need to do something that seems out of character. Dreams of having a picnic in a tree house may mean you'd benefit from not having your feet planted so firmly on the ground. Dreams of doing something unethical that makes everyone mad mean that you should explore ethical, constructive ways to express your rebellious urges. Dreams of fighting a king or queen who stole money from you might mean you should fight back against an authority that ripped you off.