(no subject)

By accident or misfortune, I'm often given things I don't deserve, didn't ask for, and much more often than not, don't want, at least on the terms and conditions of which they're given to me. I fight this assignment, mainly because it's not fair, either to me or to others; I want only what I earn, or what is freely given. I resist, twist, deflect and dodge, trying to escape the yoke associated with privilege, questioning myself on almost every front.

But: just because some things are not earned does not mean that everything of me is the result of inequity and privilege. I have things to say, things to do, and by god, I'm going to do them. Self doubt is, or can be, another policing tool, but I'm not willing to be an accompolice any longer, at least not consciously. I will no longer sacrifice myself, my ability to speak and act, for fear of being told I'm one of "them". I won't be policed, internally or externally.