flirting with the monkey

I had a cup of coffee this morning as opposed to my usual tea, and damn it, I can feel the difference. I'm more relaxed, more engaged, am talking more in my natural range, and find things generally better. Sure, it's a nice day, and fairyhead is back in town, but I've noted this before, and it seems to be the coffee. I don't like feeling like the easiest way to be like this is due to an external chemical, particularly one with which I've only recently managed to come to grips with my lifelong addiction. I don't want to be a junkie, damn it.

day of note

Today jescot began, leading to many years of adding a lot of value to the world. Take a moment and appreciate :)

52

You're much better than you think you are, and you deserve way more than you think you deserve. I know you don't believe me, but try this; look around at the people who choose to be near you. Why would these quality people choose to connect with you, if there isn't something of merit there? I don't understand all your choices, but I do know this; you're good.

(no subject)

I read a lot of blogs during the day, and curiously, the majority of them could loosely be called 'feminist blogs', in that no matter what topic they write about, the writers are aware of the loose domain of 'feminism' (even if the edges are blurry and mobile, particularly as you ask different feminists). For those who humor me and follow my links, the names are probably familiar: Echidne of the Snakes, Feministe, Pandagon, Fetch Me My Axe, Bitch Lab, to name the daily reads. I read others less frequently, but widely.

I think part of the appeal to me is that the writers don't come to politics with the perspective of playing a game; they are all very focused on the fact that this affects people's lives on a daily basis, and are not abstractions. This isn't to say that there is a paucity of theory; despite thinking of myself as a round heeled theory slut, I learn a fair amount, and my horizons have been broadened.

There is a problem, though, for me, and that is what feels like the totalizing discourse in core concepts. 'Women' tend to experience much more sexism than 'men'; I'll buy that, in spades (and that's not to say it's necessarily the fault of individual 'men' that they often recieve structural preference). I'd broaden that to say that anyone who isn't a 'man' will have greater structural difficulties than anyone who is, and that's where my problem with the discursive currents begins. The default setting for most people, including feminists, is that humanity can be divided into two and only two camps, 'women' and 'men'; obviously, I don't believe that (I also don't believe humanity can clearly be divided between 'male' and 'female'). I place myself firmly in the group of 'not-men', which in my mind includes 'women', but often the discourse posits only 'men' and 'women', leaving me either out in the cold, or assigned in ways I do not want or to which I do not consent (it's a testament to... something... that I often feel the assignment is 'man', but I don't think that's merely my own neuroses; difference is ignored until it can't be, and there are rarely other conceptual categories on the table. That I reject the transsexual narrative and/or label only further pushes me into either/or in the minds of most). It's hard for me to read, and to the limited extent that I do, participate without feeling like I'm being erased or overwritten. I don't want to insist that my position of gender variance be the subject, because I don't, but damn, it'd be nice if there were nods to people other than 'women' or 'men', even if there don't appear to be very many of us.