near miss

I spent the weekend near the ocean, South Carolina to be exact. Between Friday and Saturday, I easily spent hours either on the beach or in the water, which was physically exhilarating, but... I didn't feel that tug of something inside me like I usually do, that shared sense of awareness and presence. It didn't even make me cry once. I'd try, sometimes alone, sometimes with others, to jump start that feeling, but even that gave me difficulty. I can't help wondering if it was me, the ocean, or both that had changed, but I miss it. I don't have the feeling of it being gone forever, but I also don't have the certainty that it will be back. It's very confusing.