(no subject)

There's some darkness I need to confront in a lot of areas, and it's scary. All the tools I've created and used to protect myself won't protect me there, won't protect me from me, at least if I'm doing it seriously and honestly. I don't want it to be a fight, but it looks like there are things in there that came from outside, things that mean me no good and maybe lay claim to some of the darker pieces of me, and I don't know how to confront them without fighting. I'm willing, and maybe able, to take the blows from my own darknesses in pursuit of reconciliation or reclamation, but I'm not from the foreign powers. I think I'm scared, not because it's scary, but because this feels inevitable, like something I have to do. I've gotten really good at beating the shit out of myself over the years; I'm afraid that in moments of stress, I'll fall back on what I know.