(no subject)

[adrienmundi]

A friend of the giantslayer's (probably a friend of mine, as well, though I'm timid and hesitant about applying that label until I hear the other party do it first) is in town, and is provoking odd responses from me. She's an accomplished artist and teacher, an unrepentant fetishist, and an absolute savant when it comes to blurring of gender issues. I attribute some of her facility to the lattitude I believe "women" are given in our society, to some degree allowed to aspire to and emulate the "power elite", the penised class. I don't in any way mean to denigrate the work and effort she's put forth; that's just an attempt to mollify my feelings of guilt and inadequacy.

But, she's got a gf who's even more transgressive: a pretty girl with not all girl parts, with recently enhanced girl parts, too. Obvious affection, combined with the unrepentantness (I think that's actually a word, but I could be wrong) makes the girlfriend quite the subject of conversation. Again, I feel somewhat inadequate, guilty, and on a certain level, jealous.

I know that the road I've chosen/had forced upon me is quite different than that of most transgressively gendered folk. I don't want to disappear from one side to the other (though sometimes I'm envious of the safety of those who do, and am superf*ckin' envious of those who can do it on both sides of the fence); I don't want to become a member of the acceptable minority who reinforce the polarity, etc. I don't know quite what I do want, but there are several things I feel pretty sure I don't want (as usual). Still, there are icons, signifiers that part of me longs for; to know that the attraction that I may see in another is because they see me the way I want to be seen at that time, etc.

I think I'm losing the focus; I'll pick this up again later.

Comments

[martinhesselius.livejournal.com]

::Sympathies::

[wendystc.livejournal.com]

um wow, how come we weren't friends earlier?

[adrienmundi]

I owe it all to champignon, who loaned me a copy of your zine, thinking I'd appreciate it (and was right about that).