(no subject)

[adrienmundi]

I tend not to like doctors at all, of any sort (He Who is Paid for Insight is a Master, not a Doctor, even though it's medical doctors with whom I have issues). The Friend From the North, in typical manner, cut right to the chase:"Do you have a gender doctor? No? That's probably why". I hate it when other people are more insightful than I am.

I don't like at all that my "issues" are medicalized, that there are protocols blindly applied to anyone who doesn't seem to fit into the box they were given. These protocols are remnants from the 1950s, painfully sexist and heteronormative, and give total and complete power to the medical community over anyone who is convinced they want or need what the great medical father-gods have to offer. So yeah, I have slight authority, implicative, presumptive and power issues with doctors, particularly how they've been "trained" to deal with gender variance (actually, there's no variance taught, but simple binarism; you don't want to be this, so you must want to be that)

So, I don't go to doctors. Stupid, I know, but it's the least confrontational way. I don't relish the judgemental eye, the measured categorizing gaze. I don't like feeling like I have to justify myself to a healthcare provider, don't like the (semi-paranoid) thought that I might be tossed from my healthcare plan if my unsupervised endocrinological work became an issue; basically, I don't like feeling like I'm automatically put in the position of being powerless, and having to bend to the attitudes, protocols, and beliefs of doctors.

The giantslayer has a much more mercenary take on the whole thing; she suggests I fire doctors whose views I find odious, and keep looking until I find those who will accede to my will. I really feel like I don't have the confidence for that; each 'no' is a blow to what feels like a shaky structure that I'm simultaneously trying to build and keep from falling apart. (insert whining about how our society seems to despise ambiguity, and pushes everything towards one polar extreme or another).

But, I need to see doctors, if for no other reason than preventative maintenance (though the migraine issue makes visiting a neurologist seem like not a bad idea). So, I'm stuck, and need to move on this issue. (Much gritting of teeth) So, anyone have insight?

Comments

[ultran.livejournal.com]

This isn't going to help, but doctors are evil. Evil Evil Evil

[irana.livejournal.com]

You're right...that didn't help. Allen, let me give this some thought...I know what I want to say, just not quite how to say it.

Re:

[ultran.livejournal.com]

evil evil evil

[ultran.livejournal.com]

also remember, burning hot cups, bleeding, lobotomies and leeches....

All seem good ideas at the time.

maybe go for the headache thing... the other things aren't issues, it's just you.
It doesn't seem like something that even needs to be examined, even though I'm sure they'll want to, because it doesn't fit to what they consider the norm.

[adrienmundi]

That is sort of scary; you're not reading a channel from my mind, are you?

[irana.livejournal.com]

My thoughts are these, and granted they are more in question form.

Does the discomfort and dislike caused by those in the medical field transcend the need for prevetative maintenance?

Is it possible that there may be one in the field who has not only the ability to heal, but also the ability to think for oneself, and therefore avoids the concept of binarism?

As you seem to trust He Who Is Paid For Insight, what does he think of the idea of a gender doctor?

On another note, self justification is not a necessary thing when dealing with thosein the health care profession. They either do what they can to help you or they don't. I don't find the giantslayers view mercenary at all. I find it very practical. If one does not have rapport with one's health care provider, one does not take well to the advice given, because one does not feel taken seriously. Therfore, a provider who shares your concerns for self is a must.

On a lighter note...migraines are bad. They suck and they should be attened to immediately. Please take care of that.

[martinhesselius.livejournal.com]

I like fairyhead's idea.
I was lucky, though - and the one that ruskalya recommended is good.

[skiadaimonos.livejournal.com]

Are you looking for input on the general evilness of doctors,or asking about specific ones that might not suck so bad?

Definitely have to agree with fairyhead on this matter which is one where the capitalist ethos may actually be beneficial, consumer's rights and all that. Indeed medical knowledge still wields much authority, but in an environmet where the client is smart, educated and paying, one is not "powerless" against the almighty doctor. And it is also an area where (I would like to think anyway) one can have a significant impact without much personal cost in pioneering dissidence etc.
I will agree however that overmedicalization is problematic. To ask the ignorant question, what exactly is a "gender doctor"?

[adrienmundi]

I guess I'm looking for both a possible out from this situation of perceived powerlessness, and if there are specific recommendations, that's a hell of a bonus.

Sorry for the short hand, too; the Friend From the North was referring to doctors who specialize in treating patients with gender issues (actually, they're usually more lockstep binarists who see themselves as the authorizing revolving door from A into B, or vice versa, from what I understand.) I don't think I want a specialist, for that very reason, but it seems sort of unrealistic to expect to find a knowledgable nonspecialist.

[champignon.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't think it so unrealistic. After all, I doubt that all the trans/differently/fluidly gendered people in Atlanta run to their gender specialists when they have the flu or a UTI or something.

Asking about open-minded/ambiguity-tolerant general practitioners on local listservs and the like might turn up something useful to you even if your issues/concerns aren't the same as the other list people's.

I don't like doctors either. I hate the medical industry and the allopathic approach to health, which is only defined as "not-sick." I hate someone else knowing better about what's best for me, or even worse, not really knowing better but acting like they do because they are The Doctor.

But, I was recently surprised to find a doctor that I actually really like. Your concerns are of course more complex and intense than mine, but it's possible you could find a doctor that wasn't horrible.

talk to a pro

[thewonderfuller.livejournal.com]

really, with regard to this and many other things, i think you need to talk to M. he has lived the life you seek, and i think he can provide a wide range of insights about what it is really like to live being neither and both, how to deal with doctors who want to make you one or the other (then convince your parents to have the surgery done that will force the issue), and how to deal with the internal and external conflicts that arise from not conforming to the western world's binary "ideal." i'm totally serious. if you don't have his email address, let me know. i know he would be happy to talk to you.

you might also want to check out the website for ISNA (the intersex society of north america)at http://www.isna.org/. i'm sure there are a lot of resources there about choosing open- minded doctors and such, and how to deal with physicians who aren't so responsive to your personal ideologies.

Re: talk to a pro

[irana.livejournal.com]

Excellent point. And naturally made by the perfect person to make it consodering how close you and M are?

Re: talk to a pro

[adrienmundi]

Curoiusly, I've never really felt all that much affinity with the intersexed. It's not to say I don't feel a great deal of sympathy, but strangely enough, empathy seems to escape me. Intersexuality seems so, well, tangible, inarguably physical, and my issues feel much more ephemeral (probably because I can't point to biology and say "There, see, I'm not making this up!") I have a knack, as some like to point out, of being quite harsh on myself, particularly when it comes to seeing, or not seeing, similarities or linkages.

That's probably why it feels impositional, the concept of speaking to M. It's probably a convenient cover for insecurity and the like.

Re: talk to a pro

[thewonderfuller.livejournal.com]

don't underestimate the emotional and psychological ramifications of being born intersexed. i think you would get a lot out of talking with M, and i know that he would be glad to share his experience with you.

insight? no.

[cmpriest.livejournal.com]

anecdote?
yes.

my father, a CRNA who has worked with doctors for the last 30 years,
says that MD can only stand for one thing: [beats chest] ME DOCTOR.

Re: insight? no.

[adrienmundi]

Bleh. I need a smart, open minded doctor who has no delusions of godhood (or is at least a cool god like lucifer_dot_com). Oh how I hate power inequity, at least when I'm on bottom.